


so here you'll always stay.

by dancewithmelancholy



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Doctors & Physicians, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hokage Uzumaki Naruto, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Kazekage Gaara (Naruto), Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Medical Procedures, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sand Siblings-centric, Trauma, True Love, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, naruto just really loves gaara a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-01-20 17:20:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18529639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancewithmelancholy/pseuds/dancewithmelancholy
Summary: Naruto receives an urgent message from Temari and returns to Suna to find Gaara bruised, bloody and broken.He refuses to let Gaara's heart break and wither into nothing, even if it kills him.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> When this fic starts off it's not happy, but I promise a happy ending.

suna was hot.

he’s sure sakura would have rolled her eyes at that, and sasuke would have said something like ‘it’s the desert, you idiot’, but naruto was still constantly shocked by the blinding heat of the sun that reflected off the desert sand. it heated it to near boiling, and he swore he could see the sand steaming under his feet.

the good news was that he was almost at the village entrance after two days of travelling, and soon he’d be able to sit down and cool off in some blessed shade. for the millionth time, he wondered how anyone could live somewhere that was sweltering during the day and dropped to near freezing temperatures at night, but in the end he figured it was just up to what someone was used to, since gaara found the weather in konoha difficult to deal with. too humid, he said.

‘still’, naruto thought as he watched a small lizard skitter past his feet and burrow in the sand a few feet away as he moved towards the large, desert village, ‘it’s boiling out here. how does anyone stand it?’

especially in that coat gaara always wore? naruto smiles, remembering how small gaara looked without it. the young kazekage insisted that had nothing to do with the coat, but naruto always knew when gaara was lying. naruto grins to himself.

the sand gets more finely ground and easier to walk on the closer he gets to the entrance, and he loosens the hold on his pack that he’d been clutching for dear life, trying not to fall over as the sand moved under his feet. naruto could have slowed down a bit, but he hated dawdling, honestly.

another small lizard skitters by and naruto watches it burrow in the sand.

* * *

* * *

* * *

suna’s entrance is no longer an open entryway but now a large, ornate metal door built between the two rock pillars. gaara had said the decision was about security, mostly.

naruto finds himself staring right at it, eyes following the engraving on the iron as the door is slowly pulled open. he slips through and shakes off the sand that has caked in his sleeves and hood of his jacket. ugh. he’d need to buy new clothes while he was here.

the wind quiets as the door pulls shut with a heavy sound, and naruto looks up to the face of one of gaara’s anbu.

technically the sand’s, but naruto saw no distinction really. gaara basically was the desert, right? it seemed so, especially when he did that thing where he collapsed into sand and drifted in the wind.

“uzumaki naruto, you’re early. lady temari has informed me that we should expect you two weeks from now, at the earliest.”

he’d never really grown accustomed to the--quite frankly--terrifying masks that covered the faces of the elite ninja who guarded gaara closely. even closer after deidara.

naruto shakes the thought from his head. no need to intentionally put himself in a bad mood. he tried to avoid thinking about the akatsuki whenever he could, these days.

“uh, yeah. heh.” he stutters, kicking himself for not making up an excuse for his wildly early arrival, “thought i’d head over, yanno? i wasn’t doing anything, so...”

the real answer was that naruto missed gaara. the truth was that he’d dropped everything and started packing before he even finished temari’s letter. he doesn’t even really remember too much of what it said.

but it’s not like he could tell some random ninja that. he already felt like the sand’s anbu were always looking at him suspiciously from under those masks whenever he got within two feet of gaara.

“i’m aware you know where to find the kazekage’s quarters. will you require an escort?”

naruto shakes his head, “nah. no need. i know the way really well, yanno?”

“understood.”

then the anbu is gone.

naruto nods at the guard at suna's entrance, eyes trained on the large, rounded building at the center of the village, towering over the rest. he adjusts his pack and nods when the guard tells him to go ahead with a deep bow. naruto bristles but ignores the gesture. since the war, since he became the ‘savior of the shinobi world’ he's been bowed to addressed with a kage level of respect he still wasn't used to, and was very done with it all, really. he didn’t even like the title to be honest. being hailed as a war hero was strange, especially compared to how they treated him when he was a child. it felt...forced. and so many others had helped save the world too, lee, hinata, ino, shikamaru. fuck, neji had almost died for them all, trying to protect naruto. but naruto couldn’t go anywhere without being _swarmed_.

he felt uncomfortable with the respect people now showered him with, and he didn't know how to feel most of the time. he didn’t know what to do with it.

after the war he had everything he wanted. he had sasuke back, he was training to be hokage and everyone was safe. he’d made friends with the tailed beasts. he and kurama were a team now.

he didn’t need their worship. he had the love of a few people who he held dear. it was an odd feeling, and naruto didn’t fully understand how to explain it.

the blond shakes the thought out of his head, rushing to the kazekage mansion.

gaara.

he'd been happy to get a letter from temari, since it meant he'd be knocking on the door to gaara's office soon enough, which meant that he'd see gaara soon, which meant that he'd be able to steal the kazekage from his work and they'd be side by side again.

finally.

honestly naruto had given no thought to what the urgent matter could be, and he was sure that whatever it was would be easy and he’d finish it quickly and get to focus on tearing gaara from his work and being with him.

they were always inseparable when naruto visited the sand, and vice-versa. gaara just took a bit of convincing to leave his work, is all. he could never resist naruto for long.

he promised to take gaara for dango this time, since he's never tried it. naruto had been shocked and indignant at that discovery, and promised to make it a date the next time he visited.

he’d thought of it almost non-stop since. that had been about a year ago, and naruto could almost feel his heart stutter in his chest as he raced towards the mansion at full speed, weaving through the villagers in the busy market district and awkwardly waving to the embarrassing amount of people that shouted their greetings and thanks (‘for what? i’m just walking’ naruto thinks dully, flushing slightly) at him. he tries to quickly make his way past stalls of food and people stopping to stare at him, but his eye catches another anbu nin, perched on a building.

and it’s not just one. they’re sort of...everywhere. naruto pauses for a moment. was that normal? he tries to remember. nothing about the village itself seemed off, so naruto pushes it out of his mind and continues moving. he’d paused in thought and now people were starting to swarm him again.

naruto manages to slip away with little difficulty. maybe luck was on his side today.

eventually the market thins out and opens up into the residential areas. a bit further into the village leads him down a path and then directly in front of the stairs to gaara’s place. it’s quieter in this part of the village.

naruto didn’t notice the repairs taking place in the village he’d just sped through, he’d been too busy trying to avoid getting flanked by people to notice...

but he slows when he gets to the door of the mansion, because then he starts to notice. he doesn’t know what it means, but something in him starts to nurture that little ball of dread he was starting to feel growing.

the usual, single guard at gaara’s door is now flanked by about a dozen more, all stony faced and rigid, standing at attention.

the blond pauses, stepping up to the one familiar guard, “hey, uh, is gaara here?”

the man gives him a curious look.

“uzumaki naruto.” he says, “you’re early.”

the blond grins, curiosity starting to turn to wariness. the last guy said that too. something was off, and he wasn't sure what. why so many guards? why were the anbu everywhere?

“heh, yeah i didn't have any plans so i just thought i'd run over early, yanno?” he grins. he would ask why there are so many guards, but honestly he just wanted to rush to the kazekage's office. he cared about little else at the moment, no matter how weird things seemed.

the guard lets him into the house only after thoroughly checking his chakra signature.

also weird. they've never done that before. the guard doesn't explain either, and the man doesn’t say another word as he steps back outside and locks the mansion’s door, standing guard again.

* * *

* * *

* * *

the lobby of the kazekage mansion was an open space with plants hanging from the ceiling, lined with couches. it was usually full of people walking through to other parts of mansion, helping suna run smoothly. there was usually a steady murmur of voices as gaara’s staff discussed meetings. it wasn’t loud (suna as a whole was quiet, naruto learned), but it was there.

the lobby is empty. completely. in fact, naruto's never seen it so devoid of people before.

no gaara, temari or kankuro.

he guesses that what he gets for arriving so early. no one knew he was here. he looks around again, finding no one.

okay, then. naruto immediately turns on his heel and heads up a familiar set of stairs and down a hallway to gaara’s office. he was always in there, and if naruto was going to find him anywhere it was scribbling away at his desk. usually with the cactus pen temari got him.

naruto bursts through the door of gaara’s office, intending to surprise him. or anyone, really. he’d expected to step into the room and see gaara’s fondly exasperated look at naruto making a nuisance of himself again--

the office is dark, and empty. naruto stops short, confused.

where was…?

he feels a presence behind him and the light click on.

“uzumaki.” baki greets. the scarf that usually obscured half of his face is gone, and naruto spins to look at him--startled for a moment but happy to find someone at least--before he notices something else.

the man looks...older than before, somehow. tired.

there was more than that, but honestly baki sort of freaked naruto out. the older man was very stony, quiet and very protective, which meant that he was often glaring at naruto when he was around because naruto had a habit of getting a bit tactile with gaara. he couldn’t help it.

baki wasn’t glaring at naruto for once, though.

“hey.” naruto says, unsure if he should say anything about baki’s obvious fatigue. instead he settles on, “is gaara around?”

best not to get himself strangled. he doubts even kurama could help him with baki.

the man looks at him for a long moment, “i....assume temari contacted you.”

naruto’s brows furrow at the change of subject, “uh yeah, some urgent assistance or something, yanno? i know i’m super early! heh, i guess i just couldn’t wait, yanno?”

baki nods, still silent.

“uh, what’s up with all the guards outside?” he asks, “i doubt gaara needs the protection, yanno?” he finishes with a grin, trying to lighten the mood.

baki gives him a dark look. naruto feels the grin slip off his face, though he isn’t sure what he said wrong.

“don’t assume so.” baki tells him, suddenly turning on his heel and heading towards the door, “i’ll tell temari and kankuro you’re here.”

“uh, thanks.” the blond frowns, confused by the man’s odd behavior. before he can ask about gaara again he’s gone, and naruto is in gaara’s office alone.

naruto bites his lip and scratches his cheek, “weird old man.”

he decides to just forget about it. maybe he was having a bad day, or...maybe he always acted like that? naruto wasn’t close to him, so he wouldn’t know. naruto idly glances around. maybe gaara knows.

blue eyes land on the document on the desk. it was some long winded document with very small-print, and naruto is only able to wonder how gaara wasn’t bored to tears reading these for a minute before his eyes land on the date.

a month ago.

blond brows furrow. why did gaara have such an old document on his desk? the young kazekage worked quickly. it wasn’t like him to take so long to read something. gaara read super fast, too. he’d speed through something like this in thirty minutes, tops.

naruto chances a look at the rest of the room, blue eyes sweeping over the familiar interior. the couch he usually lounged on while gaara worked. the rug they sometimes sat on when they had lunch in gaara’s office.

naruto glanced around again.

for the most part it all looked the same, and it naruto didn’t know better he would have thought so and left it at that, but he knew how gaara kept things, and he knew that the entire room was just as off as everything else since he arrived at the village entrance.

gaara usually organized his paperwork into random stacks and piles of papers on the floor, or wherever he had space. it’s how he organized things, and gaara was the only one who could sort through the papers. it was a code only gaara understood. no one else ever touched them, keenly aware that that would be messing up his work.

all the papers were on the side tables. naruto knew gaara never put them there. he used that table for his plants.

someone’s been in gaara’s office. even more than that, gaara himself hasn’t been in his office in a while, if the state of it was any indication. thanks to kurama naruto’s senses were sharp as ever, but he couldn’t even smell the faint, earthy scent of his friend. gaara hasn’t been here for a while, and that confused naruto. gaara was always in his office. if he wasn’t here, then where was he?

and in that same vein, naruto hasn’t seen any staff upstairs either. usually the mansion was full of random anbu, elders, secretaries, office workers...basically everyone who helped gaara keep suna running. but today the mansion seemed empty all the way to the top floor. it was eerie. like the space was too big now, somehow.

usually the place was buzzing. sometimes so much so that naruto could hardly get a second alone with gaara without someone bursting in with moe paperwork for the young kazekage.

he guesses they wouldn’t have that problem this time.

naruto fidgets, something like dread uwinding in his belly. where was gaara? where was everyone? no staff and all guards?

naruto is so deep in thought (sakura would be proud) that he doesn’t hear the door handle turn until the door opens again and he’s already jumped out of his skin.

temari stands there, green eyes on the leaf ninja. naruto lets out a relieved breath and then relaxes, happy it was just her.

“temari? hey, what’s up?” he smiles, recovering.

naruto feels his grin lilt when he takes in the woman’s appearance. green eyes meet his and naruto feels himself stiffen.

“naruto. hi.” she says, managing a slight smile, though naruto can see how strained it is--how tired she looks, “how was your trip? not too rough, i hope. you’re...early. uh, _really_ early.”

he tries not to think too hard about it. everyone was acting so strange, and he wondered if gaara noticed. maybe they could try to find out what was going on when they saw each other.

he shrugs, scratching his cheek, “eh, it was alright. heh, coulda used gaara’s help with the sandstorms on the way here though, yanno?” he finishes, grinning. he wonders for the millionth time where the redhead is. he usually greets naruto personally when he arrives. he frowns and deflates a bit, feeling the loss of the kazekage’s presence. was he busy? when would naruto get to see him?

his frown deepens when he sees temari’s stricken look at the mention of her brother, her eyes suddenly downcast. the air in the room goes thick, and the woman suddenly can’t look at him, green eyes flitting between the window, the door, the desk...

before naruto can question her kankuro steps into the room, closing the door behind him and looking just as surprised by naruto’s presence, “that was...quick. hey, naruto.”

he waves and gives him a smile, taking in the sight of the puppeteer, who looks just as exhausted as his sister. he didn’t even bother with his kabuki makeup at all. naruto feels dread start to bubble hot in his stomach. something was off. majorly so.

naruto fidgets, the discomfort in the room making him restless. naruto really did his best not to revert to being as obnoxious as he was in his childhood, but the urge to just blurt out all his questions was almost more than he could take. he had some tact now. kinda. not much, since he was still...well, naruto, but he was training to be hokage now. he’s sat through so many etiquette lessons and despite the tutor’s exasperation with him, it seemed some lessons stuck after all. naruto doesn’t yell and demand to see gaara, which he easily would have done a few months ago. he’s learning to keep his cool.

the blond manages a wave, “ran right over as soon as i heard ya needed me, yanno? what’s up? uh, you guys okay? i know i’m super early...”

kankuro freezes at the question, mouth opening and closing like he doesn’t know what to say. temari just shakes her head at him slightly, hastily inviting naruto for lunch instead.

“sure, but...where’s gaara?” naruto asks, “we goin’ without him?”

temari tenses slightly, “gaara’s...in an appointment, right now.”

naruto scratches his cheek, “huh? then can’t we wait for him?

kankuro manages to derail when temari begins to panic slightly, unsure what to say to him..

“what? don’t wanna hang with us?” he asks, raising an eyebrow, “we’re not as cool as our little brother we’ll admit it. but geez, man.”

naruto sputters, indignant, “that’s not what i meant, yanno?”

kankuro nudges him along, and temari gives her brother a grateful look behind naruto’s back.

* * *

* * *

* * *

naruto finds himself in a small tea shop not far from the mansion, the heat of suna now creeping into his skin as he nibbled on his mochi, watching as temari and kankuro sipped at their tea and gave each other silent glances when they thought naruto wasn’t looking.

“how have you been, naruto?” kankuro asks, picking at his own cold dessert.

naruto bites down the question about gaara’s whereabouts that hangs on his tongue, and he decides to make his etiquette tutor proud and not demand answers as to why they were being so shifty. it almost kills him, but he clenches his fist under the table and vows to be mature.

naruto rambles about training for a while, and something funny lee said, gradually getting lost in his own stories and memories of his friends.

“heh, i can’t wait to tell gaara about that.” naruto smiles, “i think it might even make him laugh!”

the siblings give each other another look--one of nervous hesitance at the mention of their brother--and naruto decides that being cool-headed is garbage and obviously not for him. it never was. might never will be.

the blond finds his very short patience wearing thin. sakura always said he was too reckless, too willing to blurt out what was on his mind.

“okay, something’s up.” naruto snaps, the knots forming in stomach making him irritable, suddenly, “tell me what’s going on. why do you both look so nervous and sad? and where’s gaara? you haven’t said a single thing about when he’s gonna show up! and what’s the ‘urgent assistance’ you wrote me about, yanno? i rushed over here to help but everyone’s acting weird! even baki! i know i’m early, but why’s everybody all freaked out?”

kankuro sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. naruto looks between them both, that telltale determined look set in his eyes. temari almost groans. she knows that look.

“what time is it, kankuro?” she asks, sounding more worn than naruto has ever heard her.

kankuro checks, “almost six.”

“he’ll have just gotten back from the hospital ward.” she says, and naruto listens to them carefully, trying to pull any clues from their conversation, though he--of course--has no context, “he’s probably exhausted. i think we should do this tomorrow.”

kankuro nods, eyes on the table, “yeah, i think so too.”

“huh? what’s going on?” naruto urges, looking between them both with wide eyes.

she turns to him, clearly unsure of what to say. that was worrying. temari never looked so uncertain. especially in front of others. even in front of naruto, no matter how close to family he was.

“naruto, gaara is...probably tired right now.” she says carefully, like she’s choosing her words, “we’ll show you to your room.”

“what? no way!” naruto cries, pouting childishly, “i can’t see him _once_ today? not even for a second? what gives, yanno?”

“you can see him tomorrow.” kankuro tells him, rising from his seat, “he has to rest right now.”

naruto opens his mouth to argue until he processes the last bit of what the puppeteer has said. gaara needs to rest?

well, he guessed if that was it he could maybe wait to see him, but...naruto felt his mood nosedive.

“is he not sleeping well again?” naruto asks, worried, “did he try the tea i brought him last time? sakura said it should work, yanno? and i brought a whole lot more this time so-”

kankuro steers him out the restaurant, chattering about the tea, and before he knows it he’s stepping into his guest room with the two of them bidding him goodnight and closing the door behind them.

dammit, kankuro was good. he distracted naruto with conversation while he dropped him off at his room. the blond pouted, annoyed with his own short attention span, not for the first time that day. and now they’d both disappeared, so he couldn’t even bug them for answers for the rest of the night.

and suna was freezing at night, so he really had no choice but to sleep and ponder the siblings’ odd behavior. naruto groaned in annoyance and dumped his pack against the wall opposite the bed, running both hands through his hair in frustration. kurama grumbles and stirs, clearly annoyed by the emotional shifts in naruto’s chakra.

“if you think you’re annoyed, imagine how i feel.” naruto murmurs, “i mean, what the hell? i didn’t even get to see him once today, yanno?”

kurama grumbles again and a familiar voice echoes through naruto’s mind, gruff as ever, “must you whine to me about it?”

“well, who else am i gonna whine to?” naruto sighs, “don’t tell me you didn’t notice how weird everything is today.”

“i tend to sleep through at least the first day of your visits to sunagakure, so i wouldn’t know.”

“huh? why?”

“because i have no interest in seeing you wrap yourself around the former shukaku vessel the way you do.”

“his name is gaara!”

“i’m painfully aware.” kurama answers, dryly, “that name bounces around your empty head so often. it's annoying.”

naruto plops onto the floor. he tears through his bag, rummaging for clothes, “if you’re gonna be rude then i just won’t tell you anything, yanno?”

“You awakened _me_ with your petty human troubles.” the tailed beast says, ”Maybe he’s sick. You humans are so fragile.”

“could be.” he says, pulling his shirt over his head and pulling on the soft, orange threadbare shirt he usually slept in, “but then why would his family be acting weird? if he was sick they could have just told me, yanno? i would’ve understood, they know that.”

“maybe he’s very sick?” kurama offers.

naruto scrunched his nose in thought, rummaging through his bag again, “i don’t think so.”

kurama grumbles, “he could have been busy.”

“still doesn’t explain--”

“humans.” the beast sighs, and naruto could almost feel him rolling his eyes from deep where he settled in his mind.

“you’re so unhelpful.” the blond grumbles.

“then i’m going back to sleep.” kurama tells him, and naruto lets the beast fade into the background of his consciousness. he’d bother him again in the morning.

naruto needed to think, anyway. he considers searching the mansion for gaara right at the moment, but even if he found him, if gaara was sleeping then he wouldn’t want to wake him. if he got caught, it wouldn’t look good for the future hokage of the leaf to be wandering around the kazekage mansion alone, whether they were in an age of peace or not. suna’s elders were stubborn and strict, and he didn’t need to cause an international incident. as comfortable as he was here, suna was still a different country, and naruto wasn’t a citizen. he’s learned a few things about politics in the last year.

naruto sighs and pulls on his pajama pants, throwing his pack to the floor and leaning back on the bed until he fell back, eyes on the ceiling.

patience wasn’t naruto’s strong suit, but it seemed like he had no other choice. there was little else he could do without making a nuisance of himself, and usually he didn’t care, but those etiquette lessons have probably gotten to him a little bit, he confesses to himself. and he...kind of wanted to show gaara how mature he could be now. that naruto could keep up, and be a kage at his side. be just as professional and level-headed as he was.

it was impossible, he knew. gaara was an excellent leader, despite being quiet and shy. naruto couldn’t compete, but honestly it wasn’t about competing...he supposed that he wanted gaara to be proud of the maturity that naruto had acquired this past year.

and there would be nothing to be proud of if he got caught roaming around like a child past curfew.

right. naruto can be mature. he can be patient. he can wait for tomorrow morning.

naruto brushes his teeth, throws himself into bed and tries to ignore the dread building in his gut as he falls into an uneasy slumber.

* * *

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

he wakes to kurama’s voice, a steady rumble echoing in his consciousness.

“brat. someone’s at the door.” the tailed beast snaps, and naruto stirs, consciousness slowly returning him as the light knocking on the door continues, drawing naruto from the bed on unsteady legs and stumbling towards the noise. he misses door handle the first time--sleep making him sloppy and uncoordinated--but he manages to get the door open. he expects either kankuro or temari, but is instead faced with a woman he’s never seen before. she clearly works in the mansion, judging by the kazekage crest she wears next to her clan’s.

he blinks sleep out of his eyes and tries to focus.

“breakfast is being served in the private dining room.” the woman says politely, before she bows and leaves him to himself.

“uh, thanks.”

naruto watches her go. she’s the first staff member he’s seen in the mansion since he arrived. she makes a turn down the hallway, and then she’s gone. he stands in the doorway to his room for a moment, barefoot and feeling the heat of suna starting to pour against his skin.

he didn't recognize her. naruto knows everyone who works in close proximity to gaara, but he hasn't seen anyone he's recognized save for the guards outside.

the blond looks down the other end of the hallway. empty. the mansion was so strangely empty. today too. naruto’s eyes rest on the maroon carpet, trying to think past the sleep that clings that to him.

naruto thinks just as hard in the shower. he gets nowhere.

by the time the sun is high in the sky naruto is dressed and already hot again, heading down the corridors of the mansion, towards the family dining room. it was smaller than the space where they hosted dinners when suna was the chosen venue for the various kage events.

the cooks mill around, preparing the meals for the day, and naruto peers into the window to the kitchens like he always does, curious about what the meal are options for the day. the cooks pay him no mind, but naruto looks carefully at each one, noticing something.

they’re all new. he’s never seen any of them before. staff at the mansion hardly changed for security reasons, and definitely very rarely for the staff that handles the kazekage’s food, so

why all new cooks? the ones he knows are gone, and have been replaced with faces he’s never seen before.

they’re all women now, he notices. where was youhei? aki? rinji? the grumpy man who never let naruto get into the snack cupboard?

“do you need anything, dear?” one of the women asks, kindly. naruto startles, ripped from his thoughts.

he shakes his head, “no, uh, thank you but--uh, actually...when did you start working here?”

she gives him an odd look, “a few days ago, why?”

a few days, huh?

naruto gives her a bright smile, “heh, nevermind, just curious, yanno? it’s not like gaara to suddenly have so many new hires.”

she gives him a smile and gets back to her work, and naruto gives the cooks one last glance before he makes his way to the dining room.

not only that, they're all so quiet. naruto's probably the loudest thing that’s been in here in ages. it's like everyone's walking on eggshells. The mansion wasn't usually _super_ loud, but it was _never_ this quiet. This _ghostly._

he gives the kitchen one more curious look before he shoves his hands in his pockets and makes his way to the dining room.

temari and kankuro are seated and talking to each other hastily in hushed tones, heads bowed over their tea as they speak. naruto doesn’t bother trying to act like he doesn’t have a million and one questions, and the look on both their faces when he enters the room tells him that they’re aware of the what he’s about to say.

“where’s gaara?” he asks, plopping down in the seat across from them.

“in an--”

“appointment.” naruto finishes, annoyed, “yeah, same excuse as yesterday, yanno? i've heard that one.”

“naruto-”

“breakfast is ready.” one of the cooks announces, cutting kankuro off as the door to the dining room opens and food is placed--covered on silver platters, way fancier than naruto was used to--in front of them. the lid is removed, but even the steaming plate of eggs and salted meats and vegetables can’t distract naruto from the questions that have built up since he arrived yesterday.

and gaara was still nowhere to be found. what kind of appointments did he have that started before breakfast? he’d never had them before.

the cooks are thanked (“it looks amazing, kyou. thank you very much.” temari says, addressing the woman naruto spoke to earlier) and they leave, the silence returning.

naruto doesn’t raise a hand to start eating, he just watches them both for a moment before he asks, “what kind of appointment is gaara in?”

temari picks at her food, pushing it around her plate, “a checkup.”

before breakfast? naruto doubted it.

“what’s with the new cooks?” naruto asks, “you all seemed close with the old ones, yanno?”

kankuro shrugged, “some changes to the hires were needed.”

naruto opens his mouth to ask more questions, but temari cuts him off, looking at him

“gaara will be leaving the medical ward soon, you can meet him outside in the waiting room.”

naruto brightens, stormy mood and suspicion forgotten. he was finally going to get to see gaara. he was almost able to forget that it was a whole day late.

“really?!” naruto beams, “finally!”

naruto was so absorbed in his own excited thoughts he didn't see the saddened look the siblings gave each other.

“he should be done in about twenty minutes. usually temari walks him back to his room, but i'm sure you can handle it.” kankuro says.

he grins, “hell yeah!”

and suddenly he has an appetite. he starts to eat maybe a bit too quickly, but he figured it was fine. it’s not like temari and kankuro would be offended, or something.

“but, ah--see...we didn’t expect you so early, so he doesn’t exactly know you’re here yet.” temari says, twisting her cup of tea around, “so if he’s surprised, don’t take it personal.”

naruto chews, “huh? why would i?”

“...no reason.” temari says with a tight smile.

suddenly he felt uneasy again. naruto tried to just eat and keep up with the clock on the other side of the room.

_fifteen minutes left._

* * *

* * *

* * *

kankuro excuses himself after breakfast, saying something about upgrading his puppets. naruto doesn’t quite catch it, but he waves goodbye anyway, watching as he disappears through the door on the opposite side of the dining room.

naruto turns to temari, chewing the last of his breakfast, “gaara should be getting out of his appointment around now, right? can we go?”

“okay, okay, don’t nag me.” temari sighs, standing and folding her arms.

naruto grins, “we have a lot to catch up on, yanno?”

she shook her head, smirking, “future hokage but you don’t even know not to talk with your mouth full.”

naruto shrugs, “why bother? i know you don’t care, yanno?”

temari gives him a pointed look, then shrugs and smiles. it looks dim and sad, but naruto doesn't ask. maybe it was something private. maybe something with shikamaru? he tries to remember if shikamaru said they were having problems.

he doesn’t think he said anything like that...

they make their way down a few hallways, and naruto wonders if he should say something. should he ask? why did he feel an impending dread?

_why is this place so fucking quiet?!_

he's about to give in, but they reach the medical wing and temari stops in front of a white door with a small window. she peeks and frowns. naruto wanders up to her, curious.

“hm? this it? where is he?” naruto asks.

temari looks slightly panicked, eyes glancing between naruto and the door. he's never seen temari look nervous.

“oh, i guess gaara’s appointment ran a little late.” she says, taking a step toward him with her hand outstretched like she’s trying to hold him back, “naruto, i should tell you that--

he strides up to the door and ignores her in favor of peeking through the window.

and he expects him to look how he always does. why would he look different? it’s only been a year. naruto looked pretty much the same. why would gaara change?

he finally lays eyes on gaara for the first time in a year. he’s sitting on an examination table with his legs dangling over the edge. his gaze settles on him immediately.

naruto freezes.

“naruto...” temari tries softly, putting a hand on his shoulder, “i know it’s...i’m going to need you to stay calm--”

naruto notices the black eye first. it looks nothing like the redhead’s dark circles from the shukaku, the purple of the bruise obvious on his skin. then gaara’s split lip, red with old blood and just starting to heal over. just barely. there's a large, purple bruise on his left temple, only partially covered by red hair, though naruto's eyes hone in on it and settle there, stomach twisting. his right wrist is in a cast. he has a thick bandage on his cheek.

it's disbelief, first. naruto pauses for a few seconds, trying to process what his eyes see.

_what happened to gaara? why was he beaten up? how did that even happen?_

the other boy is thin, thinner than the last time they met, and sure gaara's always been scrawny for a ninja but now--

naruto’s eyes slowly roam the stark white bandages that wrap around gaara’s wrists and neck, and the one under his left eye. he has another on his temple. they’re thick, padded and securely patched onto his face. naruto knows those bandages. he’s had to get them himself, time and time again after rough battles or vigorous training. they were for deep cuts, usually. naruto’s brain works a mile-a-minute, trying to gather all the details and come up with any explanation that made any sort of sense for the sight he was faced with.

the sight of gaara, covered in bandages and eyes like empty, dark caves, wearing a rendition of his usual clothing--red long sleeves and pants to match--though they resembled....hospital robes more than the kazekage's usual outfit. a doctor sits in front of him, speaking to him. gaara nods but doesn’t look at her. his knee is in a small brace.

naruto is pulled back from the door by temari and he spins on his heel, looking--

well, temari wasn’t looking forward to handling this.

“what happened to him?!” he nearly yells, confusing giving way to anger, “why is he hurt? who did that?! how did that happen!? ”

he turns to glance back into the room and he sees gaara look up and through the window, right at him. green eyes widen.

temari pulls him back again, “keep your voice down, she’s finishing gaara’s checkup--”

naruto rips himself from her grip, yelling questions and trying to get past her and to the door handle to yank it open. temari grapples with and grabs at him, trying to pull him back and get him to calm down.

“control yourself--!” she hisses, worriedly looking between a hysterical and angry naruto and the door.

naruto barely hears her, “what the fuck? what happened?! he's black and blue, what the fuck happe--”

the office door opens and doctor takes a step out, coming to see what all the noise is about. naruto doesn't care to finish what he's saying, and the doctor doesn't even have the time to ask what the noise is about before naruto is pushing past her (nearly toppling her over) and into the room.

“naruto--!” temari hisses, trying to pull him back into the hallway. the blond pushes her aside, not even looking at her. his eyes were on gaara.

temari throws her hands up, giving up on restraining naruto. it was borderline impossible.

gaara’s just staring past his head, at the wall. naruto is close enough now to see the iv in his arm. there’s a little purple bruise where it pierces his skin.

“gaara...w-what happened to you?” naruto asks as he races up the other boy. his first instinct is to reach for him, but he doesn’t know where to set his hands. it seemed liked gaara was hurt all over, and naruto felt his heart start to hammer.

gaara flinches and looks away.

“gaara?”

gaara's voice is so quiet, almost a whisper, but naruto hears him loud and clear.

“why are you--what are you doing here?” he rasps, and naruto is surprised to see how freaked out gaara looks.

temari steps up and moves between them, looking at gaara pleadingly, “gaara, i called naruto here to help us. i thought you might want to see him.”

gaara glances at her for a moment, alarm and fear plain on his face along with something else he can't place.

naruto realizes it's betrayal.

then he looks at his lap, silently.

“i'll...leave you two to talk.” she says quietly, then she turns and leaves, giving them their space. naruto is grateful. he feels like his head is about to explode. he couldn't quite grasp what he saw. he'd never seen gaara so injured. even during the war he'd been a bit tired, but his shield protected him very well, and naruto had panicked over him for nothing, seeing as the young kazekage was unharmed and only exhausted. he hadn’t even really suffered any chakra drainage, according to sakura.

'you’re very concerned about me when you're the one missing an arm, naruto.’ gaara had said, worried and frowning.

“gaara?” naruto asks, looking at his friend curiously. he can't take his eyes off the bandages, or his friend’s black eye. gaara's arm...somehow gaara's wrist was broken. how could that even happen? suddenly naruto had so many questions but he couldn’t say a thing.

naruto can see the signatures on his cast. probably from some staff and gaara's family.

naruto feels sick. what happened? who could have hurt him this badly?

he reaches for him, stopping just short of gaara’s uninjured cheek, hovering over the area, silently asking permission to touch. it was a system they’d come up years ago, when gaara had started growing accustomed to people touching him casually again. obviously only a select few could, and naruto was one to them. it was a system they’d talked about and stuck to ever since. if gaara leaned into him that meant yes, if he didn’t that meant--

gaara doesn’t come any closer. naruto looks at his friend in longing, wanting to be close to him after not seeing him for so long, but it’s like every time naruto so much as looked at gaara the redhead shrunk away, wilting under his gaze. naruto wanted to wrap his arms around gaara’s shoulders and tell him about the funny things lee did, or what ino said to him, or how choji fell into the lake last summer. he wanted to take his hand and lead him to that dango stand.

but gaara didn’t say anything. he sits there, so far from naruto and tensed like he’s prepared to run, should he need to. he looks away, and naruto can barely see his face.

this is the first time he’s been alone with gaara in a year, and the other boy won’t even look him in the eye. he looks...gaunter than he was. sadder, too.

“gaara? hey...” he tries. gaara stiffens and turns away. naruto doesn’t touch him, but he takes a tentative step closer.

the movement causes gaara’s shirt to shift slightly, and the neckline loosens enough for naruto to get the slightest flash of gaara’s neck. he blinks.

then he processes what he’s seen.

it’s a bite-mark, dark, bloody and glaring, surrounded by other, darker purple marks and bruises that naruto finds himself staring at as gaara hastily fixes his shirt.

naruto stands there, unable to process what he’s seen for a few seconds, tense and trying to work through the shock. how? from where? on gaara? someone bit him? what about his defense? why would someone bite him? what about--

“gaara?” naruto asks, and the kazekage flinches almost violently, “h-how d-did--”

naruto takes a step closer, hands coming up to hover around gaara's bruised and bandaged face. his hands shake.

“gaara…why-?” naruto stammers, “who...who did this to you? w-what happened?!”

gaara still doesn't look at him. he stares at his lap, trembling. naruto feels something like a mix of panic and anger well up in his chest, and he just feels sick and…

agony. confusion.

gaara doesn't say anything. he doesn't move a muscle, either. it's like he's completely gone and all that's left is--

the doctor decides that's enough, and enters--gently pushing past naruto--quietly taking gaara's hand and bending to take a look at his face.

she stands and frowns, concerned.

she gathers herself and turns to naruto. she takes his arm and leads him to the door. the blond is so stunned and still with sick shock that he stumbles back and finds himself outside the door, being spoken to by the doctor.

he doesn't hear much over the blood rushing in his ears, and he doesn't take his eyes off of his friend.

she says something about gaara needing rest, but he can't make his voice work. he can't say anything. he takes a shaky breath and clenches his fist as the doctor speaks, shaking.

who did this to him? what happened to him?

naruto was going to kill somebody either way, but...but...

naruto takes a step towards gaara, and the doctor blocks his path. naruto moves to push past her. she steps in front of him again. naruto finally pulls his eyes from gaara to glare at her, frowning deeply.

“move.” he snaps, loud and irritated.

“uzumaki naruto, i'm going to have to ask you to leave--”

naruto clenches his fists, hissing at her through gritted teeth, “what?”

“lord gaara is tired, so-”

“get out of my way!” naruto snaps.

“i can't do that.” she says calmly.

“don't make me go through y--” he yells.

gaara flinches and puts his face in his hands, shaking. the heart monitor beside him starts going haywire.

naruto freezes, eyes back on his friend. then he feels sick.

he scared gaara.

a hand on his shoulder pulls him back.

“uzumaki. you're leaking nine-tails chakra--” baki hisses in his ear, pulling him back another step.

“i'm sorry.” he chokes, eyes on gaara.

gaara shakes and hides his face in his hands as the doctor rushes back into the room and closes the door. she kneels in front of gaara and says something he can't hear.

“i'm sorry.” naruto says again, dazed, “i didn't mean to scare him. i didn't mean to... i--i'm sorry--”

“i understand that this is hard. trust me, i understand more than anyone.” baki says slowly, looking at gaara through the window in concern.

he's never seen baki with such an open expression on his face. naruto takes a shaky breath, brain reeling.

“what happened to him?” naruto asks, voice cracking.

baki takes a step back, “it's not my story to tell. i will let the three of them decide when to inform you of the situation.”

naruto runs a frustrated hand through his hair. he expected that.

“i will escort you back to your room. temari will come to retrieve you within the hour.”

the only reason naruto goes is because all he can see is gaara's fear at naruto's anger.

the walk back is quiet, and naruto can almost taste the dread building in his stomach.

* * *

* * *

* * *

naruto figures he can't be blamed for it. he leaves his guest room without waiting for temari.

he stayed put for about six minutes, but he finds that he can't sit still and he can't wait. this is too serious. gaara was so injured and naruto needed to do something. they couldn't just expect him to sit in his room while gaara is bandaged, bruised and miserable somewhere in the mansion. he can't let him be alone, but...

naruto scared him. he shoves his hands in his pockets, wandering the halls looking for any sign of gaara. he isn't in the medical office (naruto pauses and looks through the window for a long time, at the bed gaara was sitting on, replaying it all in his head), or his work office. not the dining room or the small garden.

he berates himself for being an idiot all day. he can’t find gaara again, and the mansion is so bare that he barely finds anyone else either, and when he comes across someone they’re just cleaning, and aren’t sure where the kazekage is..

god, what happened to him? who did that his face? how did someone manage to injure gaara?

doesn’t matter, he decides. naruto was going to hunt them and beat them down, that went without saying, but concern won out over the need or revenge at the moment. he needed to find gaara. he needed to find out what the hell was going on.

he only checks these places before he checks gaara's room because they're all on the way there.

naruto he speeds down the hallways, eager to see the redhead and make sure he was okay, and that he knew that naruto didn’t mean it, and was worried about him--

gaara's door is slightly ajar.

naruto peeked inside, finding it dark save for the one light in the adjoining bathroom. naruto crept in quietly, dread building in his chest when he hears the painful sounds of someone puking.

“gaara?”

he finds him hunched over the toilet, heaving up what meager dinner he’d managed to get down.

“whoa, gaara, hey.” naruto says, rushing into the bathroom and kneeling beside his friend as he shakes and vomits again. he's paler than he’s ever seen him.

naruto can see the smaller bruises in the brighter lighting. they're everywhere. naruto feels sick.

naruto reached for gaara, shuffling close to move his hair from his face gently. he flinches violently at his touch.

naruto realizes he's scared.

he presses a hand to gaara's back, rubbing circles like how iruka and kakashi-sensei did when he got food poisoning once. gaara flinches again and tenses at his touch, and naruto frowns as gaara starts to vomit again.

gaara didn't usually flinch away from naruto.

it sounds painful and naruto aches to help. wanting to help gaara was always just a bone-deep instinct for him, ever since they met, even as a child.

but...even as long as he'd known him, he'd never seen gaara like this.

naruto feels the pressure behind his eyes build when gaara trembles and leans back, shaking but no longer sick.

naruto can see his face better now. he's closer. he can see everything.

the blond wants to cry at the state of his friend. his heart feels like it's physically tearing in half.

“i'm…i'm alright.” gaara rasps, so quietly naruto can barely hear him and still not looking him in the eye, “you don't have to stay.”

“bullshit.” naruto breathes, standing to wet a washrag with cool water. he makes sure it's not freezing, squeezes it out and presses it to gaara's forehead, gently.

gaara flinches again. naruto frowns.

naruto doesn't ask any questions, he just holds the rag to gaara's head until the heat and redness in his friends face goes away.

“i'll get you some water, okay?” naruto says gently, standing.

naruto takes a step out of the room to get a water bottle from the small kitchen down the hall. when he comes back gaara is in bed, curled up and quiet.

naruto holds the water and looks at his friend, who trembles and clenches bruised and blackened eyes shut.

“gaara...what the hell is going on?” naruto asks shakily, blue eyes intently trained on the redhead curled up in the corner of the bed. there is no grin, no smile or jokes.

gaara doesn't answer for a long time, like he's trying to build up the strength to say anything.

“i seem to have eaten something that didn’t agree with me. i’m...sorry for bothering you with it. you can go.” gaara says after a moment, and naruto can’t help but notice how tired and sad the other sounds, muffled by blankets and almost hiding from naruto in the mass of fabric.

“no way.” naruto frowns, “i’m not stupid, gaara. try again.”

gaara is silent for so long that naruto opens his mouth to speak, to prod him again and get an answer out of him because dammit naruto was standing there losing his mind with worry--

“i don’t think you’re stupid.” gaara says quietly, “...naruto, you should go home.”

the blond blinks in shock, “what? why?”

“you don’t need to be here.”

“temari and kankuro said that-”

“they were misinformed. you’re free to leave.”

naruto glares at the pile of blankets, “it’s not about-hell, gaara, i’m not here because your siblings sent for me--i mean, i am, but i’m not here for them, yanno? and i’m staying because something is obviously wrong and no one will tell me what’s going on with you. i’m...i just--what’s going on, gaara? what the hell, yanno? you’re puking and flinching and covered in bruises and bite marks--”

“please go home.” gaara says suddenly, and it almost sounds like a sob--the sound so desperate and defeated that naruto stops speaking and his mouth snaps shut. he makes no move to leave, but his brows furrow and his eyes stay trained on gaara, and how the redhead shoves his face into the blankets so he doesn’t have to look at naruto.

“why can’t you look at me?” naruto asks, and he’s not surprised that his voice cracks, but he clutches the water bottle so hard in his hand that it almost pops.

naruto decides he fucking hates this. only being able to stand by gaara’s bedside, unable to do anything. if he doesn’t know what’s wrong he can’t do much to help, and that's what he wants to do most of all. he’s desperate to, actually.

some large part of naruto needed to be sure gaara was okay, because if he was then naruto felt like he was too, but seeing gaara like this, pale and small and unable to speak of what’s bothering him, even to naruto who he considered his first and best friend…

naruto hated nothing more than this, right here. this moment. where he can do nothing as gaara crumbles in front of him. just like he could do nothing when the akatsuki showed up and dragged gaara away before murdering him.

useless, he was always useless when it counted.

“gaara.” naruto tries again, hating how his voice wavers (he has to be strong, especially since gaara isn’t right now and he knows this, but something about gaara always made naruto’s heart clench and soften, making it so easy to cry for him), “c’mon. look at me. you’re scarin’ me, yanno?”

naruto feels the pressure behind his eyes intensify when he has to watch gaara curl up tighter in on himself on the bed, like he’s trying to protect himself from something. naruto wills himself not to cry.

“please?” he croaks, stepping closer, “please?”

gaara finally--slowly, like he’s afraid of facing him--turns to him, though he doesn’t look at naruto, and doesn’t say anything. he hides his face in the blanket he uses to pull around him as he curls up and makes himself so small on the bed as naruto watches. gaara shivers, and naruto can see that he clutches the blanket so hard his knuckles go white, purple veins obvious against his sallow skin.

naruto leans on the bed-one knee first, before he can even think about it-and can’t help reaching for his friend, who hides from him for a reason naruto can’t begin to figure out. gaara has never hid from him before. gaara’s always told him what was going on. they’ve never hidden anything from each other.

gaara was scaring him.

his fear intensifies when he runs gentle fingers through gaara’s silky, red bangs only for gaara--composed, level-headed gaara--to whimper in something that sounds so much like bone-deep fear and flinch away from naruto’s touch.

naruto freezes, heart crumbling. why would--? gaara’s never flinched away from naruto before. the redhead trusted him, or at least he did. but now gaara couldn’t stand to be touched by him. naruto feels his eyes widen in shock, and his frown twist as that pressure behind his eyes builds. what happened? what the hell could have happened in one short year to make his friend like this?

what happened to gaara?

and because naruto knows no other way to make a breakthrough, he tries again.

he’s seen shadows of it, sure (gaara remembered old pain often, and naruto had been privy to the many times gaara had gone from fine to withdrawn and quietly saddened due to memories of his less than pleasant past bubbling up out of the blue as they tended to), but he’s never seen the raw sadness in those eyes. and for all their sadness, they also managed to be empty, and that--most of all--is what sent that unpleasant bout of shock through naruto because no matter what state gaara was in he never had that emptiness. not before this.

no matter what gaara said, this was no food poisoning. this was something serious. so serious that gaara wouldn’t even open his mouth to say what it was. so serious that even kankuro and temari were shaken.

naruto moves to slowly lay down next to him, eyes on his friend, frantically searching for clues. gaara stiffens and shrinks away as naruto nudges a bit closer. the blond stops, sensing gaara's anxiety.

he didn't want naruto close to him.

naruto's heart sinks. he doesn't understand. gaara never...he's never done this before.

“i’m sorry i couldn’t greet you when you came.” gaara says quietly, “i didn’t know you were here.”

“hey...that's okay, i just really wanted to see you, yanno? what happened, gaara?” naruto tries, hoping that he doesn’t make gaara regret letting him this close.

gaara clenches his eyes shut like he’s trying to hide, though he doesn’t move to turn from naruto’s gaze again, which is something the blond is thankful for.

“i can’t tell you.” gaara says, voice cracking.

“you can tell me anything.” naruto says, like gaara has said the most ridiculous thing in the world. he can’t help it. the fact that gaara thinks that he can’t say what he has to to naruto is something the blond never even considered before. he’d assumed they told each other everything, and up until now it was true. but now…

gaara chances a look at the wall behind naruto’s head--green eyes opening for a flash of a second--and the blond is confused to see shame there.

the redhead looks away again, “not this.”

“why?” naruto asks, “gaara, what is it? what’s so terrible you can’t--why?”

gaara is quiet for a long moment, and naruto waits for him, blue eyes trained on gaara’s pale face. naruto frowns deeper. gaara looks so dejected and ashamed and naruto wants to just reach out and pull him close to him, call him silly and make him tell him what’s wrong--

“you’d look at me differently.”

“gaara…”

“it's _bad_.” gaara gasps out suddenly, eyes wider than naruto has probably ever seen them, shaking, pale hands covering his eyes as he hunched in on himself again. and this time naruto saw it all, his bandaged hand and broken wrist covering bruised eyes, “it's _so bad_. you don't want to know, naruto.”

the blond feels his heart crack, watching gaara break. he can't help it, he reaches for gaara's hands and pulls them to his own chest, shushing the red-haired boy as he trembles in naruto's hands. this is always how he calmed gaara, ever since they were twelve and gaara was learning how to be himself again, and not what hate had made him. naruto had to be careful with his wrist, was all.

many trips to the leaf to solidify their new allyship with the sand meant that gaara and naruto saw each other often, and had adopted a routine of sorts. gaara would arrive, naruto would drag him away from his siblings and to ichiraku where naruto would babble about comic books or television until gaara got comfortable enough to talk a little bit himself. then the blond would take his hand and lead him to the woods or the playground or his apartment…

cold hands are pressed to naruto's warm chest, and gaara's skin warms ever so slightly, and maybe the young kazekage's trembling lessens too.

“i don't care how bad it is, gaara.” naruto says fiercely, “i don't care! i want--i need to help you. it's killing m-me, seeing you like this, yanno?” he tries, voice wavering, “gaara, please...what happened?”

gaara looks at their intertwined hands for a moment, eyes bare and pained, like he was crying out inside but his body wouldn't respond. naruto almost pulls gaara into a full on bear hug, but maybe--maybe gaara was going to tell him--

a look of resignation and defeat passes in gaara's eyes, and naruto knows he's failed.

gaara buries his face in his pillow and trembles.

“please go home, naruto. i’m sorry you came all this way.” he says, and this voice sounds thin and miserable and weighed down with shame that naruto can’t understand.

why was gaara pushing him away? he’s never done that before, and that made naruto go even more out of his mind with worry. gaara always told him everything, that was the kind of relationship they had, and it made naruto so happy that gaara trusted him as much as he trusted his siblings.

gaara never shut him out before. sasuke always did, and because of that naruto knew how to press the buttons needed to get him to talk to him, even if it involved a fight.

he’d never had to do that with gaara, after that first fight gaara was an open book to naruto, but now...now gaara wasn’t letting him in, and that unsettled naruto. gaara keeping something from him--especially something as serious as whatever had happened--unsettled everything in him.

worry claw at him from the inside, and he watches gaara shrink even further into himself, heart breaking.

“the-then tell me who hurt you, gaara! tell me who did it, i'll get them, i promise!”

gaara clenches his eyes shut and naruto can see his face go pink with the effort not to cry. he shivers, curling into himself further.

out of naruto's reach.

“i don't know.” he whispers, “i don't _know_ who they are. everyone keeps _asking_ me, but i don't know.”

“i... i just need a description! anything!” naruto tells him, “a-anything you can remember, anything at all--”

the door to gaara's room opens so suddenly naruto barely notices it, and the same curly haired doctors steps in along with some nurses.

“his heart rate has picked up, we have to calm him down. kari, go get his sister and some hot water for tea. yumi, please escort uzumaki naruto out of the room.”

“w-what? wait!” naruto struggles as one woman takes his arm and tries to steer him from the room, “gaara!”

“you can see him once we've made sure he's alright.” she says, kindly, stepping with him out into the  “i promise.”

the only reason naruto agrees to step out is because he has to find temari and kankuro and get some answers.

“okay, i just...tell him i’ll be right back? please? i--i don’t want him to think i just left, yanno?” naruto pleads.

she nods, “i promise.”

naruto glances longingly at gaara’s door. then he turns on his heel and storms down the hallway, fiery chakra flaring to search the radius of suna. he ignores the small flames of villagers and guards.

he’s only looking for two.

when he finds them he tears over to the room they're in and throws open the door, enraged.

“what the fuck is going on?!” naruto yells, barging into the room.

everyone looks at him.

temari and kankuro are clearly in a meeting with suna’s head merchants, but naruto couldn’t care less. all he heard was the blood rushing to his head. naruto almost feels dizzy with the sickening mix of anger, worry and desperation. the dread built up and almost _suffocated_ him.

temari takes a deep breath and stands, gathering the papers in front of her. kankuro doesn’t stand, he just tries to avoid naruto’s eyes.

“we’ll pick this up another time.” she says, and everyone rushes from the room, sensing something serious was about to happen.

they’re alone in a second, and kankuro finally stands and closes the window to the room. temari locks the door after the villagers who leave, and naruto fumes.

“what the hell is going on? why does gaara have bite-marks all over his neck?” naruto snaps, patience at its end, “what happened to him? what are you all hiding?”

temari sighs. naruto falters suddenly, seeing her expression. she looks so sad, and that only makes naruto more frustrated because she’s his friend too, and he wants to help her, but he doesn’t know what’s wrong and no one will tell him anything--

“we gotta tell him, temari.” kankuro speaks up, voice strained, “we’ve put it off long enough. we've already dragged him here and stressed him out. he should know. i think that’s what’s best for gaara...”

the blond woman freezes, eyes clenching shut and fingers flexing in agitation. she nods stiffly before she turns and seats herself at the table. kankuro moves to sit beside her, looking no less comfortable with the situation.

“tell me what?” naruto growls, growing more desperate every second, “someone better start talking and tell me what happened to him, or i'm going to lose it.”

“you should probably sit down.” kankuro tells him.

“i don't wanna sit down.” naruto says, frowning, “what the hell happened to my friend.”

a demand. not a question.

“naruto…”

“i just watched gaara have a mental breakdown! i'm not in the fucking mood, yanno? what happened to him? who hurt him? tell me!”

temari picks at her finger, green eyes dimming in reluctance, “the...village was attacked a while ago. they used these...strange weapons we’d never even seen before, and they weren’t wearing any clan crests. maybe we were careless...after the war we just--we didn’t think something like this would--” she pinches the bridge of her nose, clenching her eyes shut, ”we overwhelmed them and ran them off but they still escaped into the desert. gaara went after them, and told the troops to stay back because he sensed a sandstorm coming.”

she frowns, troubled.

“he told us later that he didn’t want anyone swept up in it, and that going alone would be easier for both him and everyone else. kankuro and i were manning the southern border, and we….we didn’t even know gaara had run off alone to help--or we would’ve...” she trails off, frowning. kankuro nudges her in silent comfort.

“they let him go alone?” naruto grits out through clenched teeth, a sense of dread bubbling up in his throat. he clenches his fists.

“he’s the kazekage. he gave them orders.” kankuro says dully. naruto looks at him, taking in how dead the other boy looks in the face.

what--

“what happened?”

“gaara found them in the desert, trying to run. he fought them but they had this...chakra inhibitor, he said they snapped it around his neck and his sand just...stopped responding. they took down what was left of his shield with water and oil, or something like it. he...he didn’t have time to figure out exactly what it was.”

“they beat him up?” naruto grits out, anger flaring and fists clenching. he feels the blood rushing to his face in rage. that’s why gaara was covered in bandages. and the bruises.

whoever they are he's going to beat them into the fucking ground. they’re going to be pulp by the time he’s finished--

“who were they? i’ll give them a beatdown they’ll _never fucking forget._ ” naruto growls, livid. he's so fucking angry he could spit fire. how dare they - 

“it’s...not that simple.” temari starts, sounding unsure and uncomfortable, “they...the thing is...it wasn’t just that--”

“just spit it out, temari.” kankuro frowns, studying the wood of the table, hunched in on himself, looking more miserable than naruto has ever seen him.

temari glares at him, “give me a break, kankuro. how do you even say something like that?” she snaps, frowning and looking at the table, “how the hell am i supposed to phrase it? maybe this was a bad idea.”

“temari, c’mon. gaara’s not gonna tell him, and maybe naruto can help him in ways we can’t. we talked about it, i thought we agreed.”

temari shakes her head, “but it’s not our story to tell! that’s what i’m trying to say. what if we tell him and gaara never trusts us again? he doesn’t want anyone to know, maybe we should respect that.”

“our brother is dying inside.” kankuro snips, frowning, “gaara won't make it at this rate.”

temari looks at him, stricken.

“just tell him, temari.” kankuro sighs, “gaara can’t keep going like this. maybe he can help. look at him, he wants to help. and right now...we can't reach him, but maybe he can.”

temari glances at naruto, who stands there nearly tearing his hair out, desperately watching them bicker, trying to piece together what’s going on.

“they--” temari starts, before she falters and her eyes go sad.

kankuro looks naruto in the eye.

“they raped him.” he says, voice hard but even, eyes empty.

naruto feels the blood drain from his face the exact moment temari looks away from them both and out the window, tired eyes on the suna sunshine. the air is sucked out of the room in one quick second and no one says a word. The Sand siblings out of a heaviness and Naruto out of pure shock.

suddenly naruto can't breathe. all he feels is heat going to his head--

“they raped, beat and _tortured_ him.” temari spits suddenly, standing abruptly, her chair clattering to the floor, hands balled into fists and face stony, “and left him in the middle of a sandstorm to _die_.”

naruto stands there, frozen.

“temari--” kankuro starts, reaching for his sister before retracting his hand, looking stricken.

“they hurt my little brother, just because they could, just for protecting the village. for doing _his fucking job_.” she snaps, “i think...gaara _barely even knew_ what they were doing to him. he just knew it hurt and he didn’t like it. _he didn’t even know--god knows what he hasn't even told us--”_

kankuro watches his sister struggle with her anger.

“temari, d-don’t work yourself up--”

“--he was in such bad shape when we found him. dehydrated, passed out, bleeding. he was _barely_ alive, he had blisters and....the damage was--” temari frowns, “they hurt him, bad. the doctors had to put him in a coma for a week so his body could even begin to recover. for a while they weren't even sure if he would be able to wake up at all. he was out there for _hours_ , w-we couldn’t find him. the sandstorm made it worse. the dehydration and sun exposure alone could’ve--and it's not like he had shukaku sustaining him anymore, so--”

“and they took whatever they used to bind his chakra and sand, so we can’t even find out what it is. and gaara...” kankuro cuts in, sparing his sister from having to continue, “and gaara couldn’t get a good look at it.” he finishes, sounding miserable.

kankuro chances a look at naruto--and jumps from the table with a cry of surprise as chakra lashes out and burns the wood right in front of him. the charred table falls apart in blackened, crumbling splinters, and temari snaps to attention, eyes on naruto before they widen at the state of the blond.

“ _shit_!” she snaps, darting out of the way of more explosively hot chakra, the molten energy setting the desk closest to naruto aflame, “ _naruto_!”

kankuro reaches for his sister, eyes wide in alarm and darting around the room as more things are thrown and set alight. fuck, he can’t see. the flames are suddenly there and rising and he can’t breathe. the smoke alone--

“temari--!”

the puppeteer coughs, staggering at the suffocating heat in the room, eyes watering. he gasps for breath and chokes out a call for his sister as he starts to panic. he can’t see her, where is she--

he feels her grip on his arm as she hauls him out the room so fast his head spins. before he can say a thing he’s in clear air, with temari bracing him against the wall and wiping at her own  soot-streaked face. she gulps in the clear air just like he does, but all kankuro can do is look at the room naruto’s chakra sets on fire and sigh somewhat helplessly.

temari moves to go back.

“what are you doing?” kankuro coughs, reaching for her, “you can’t--”

“he doesn’t know what he’s doing. he just upset about what we told him. about what happened to gaara.” she says, “i can’t let him roast to death, no matter how annoying he is. if anything this...kinda shows how much he cares, doesn’t it?”

and with a strained smile, she’s gone before he can even call after her, and before he can go after her she’s back, her fan in hand and naruto sagging against her, unconscious.

* * *

* * *

* * *

_naruto feels...numb. sick. god, he feels like his insides are about to become his outsides. his stomach is turning. there’s been a buzzing in his ears since they told him what happened to gaara._

_naruto can’t breathe. kyuubi shouts...something at him from inside his head, but he can’t quite--_

_'it's bad. it's so bad, naruto. you don't want to know.’ gaara had said, voice small and terrified._

_his hands go numb the exact moment he pieces it all together. the bite-mark, that was--_

_and the bruises. the bruises. around gaara’s neck, his wrists. god knows where else--_

_they broke gaara's wrist._

_“shit!”_

_he was--they--_

_“naruto!”_

_naruto suddenly feels his skin heat to boiling as the blood rushes in his ears, eyes unseeing and trained ahead, kankuro’s’ words echoing in his head._

_“hey!”_

_his black eye. he had a black eye that had nothing to do with the rings that shukaku gave him._

_“naruto! you can’t go nine-tails in here!”_

_naruto notices the borders of his vision have gone red, but he doesn’t--he can’t quite--_

_he remembers gaara's split lip. how gaara looked just about ready to run when naruto showed up. the shame on his friend's face._

_'you'd look at me different.’ gaara had said._

_naruto's heart crumbles to ash._

_then it’s dark._

* * *

* * *

naruto comes to in a room that’s not on fire, and he can breathe somewhat. he blinks at his lap, brain sluggishly trying to reacquaint itself with his senses. and memory.

he huffs a breath before even fully opening his eyes, “what happened?”

“you don’t remember?” temari asks, looking at naruto in surprise. he blinks a few times, vision clearing. he sits up a bit. he’s been put in a chair.

kankuro nudges into his line of sight, blinking down at him, “dude, you freaked out. nearly burned down the whole district.”

then it comes back. and so does the sick feeling in his stomach, the rage, the urge to cry and scream all at once. and the part of him that can barely process what he’s been told. he pinches his hand, hopeful. he winced.

not a nightmare. it's real.

“i--i’m sorry.” he stammers, face burning, “i didn’t mean to--i just--”

“hey.” kankuro says, handing him a glass of water, “we get it.”

“tell me everything you know about the guys who hurt gaara.” naruto demands, hands shaking, “ _everything_.”

kankuro shakes his head, “look, we didn’t call you here to--”

“ _bullshit_ , kankuro, tell me!” naruto yells, “i’m going to kill them! _tell me_!”

temari glares at him, “kankuro and i are already looking for them, we need you for something else.”

“no. _no_! i don’t care. i wanna find them.” he screams, and kankuro swears he can hear the kyuubi's voice melding with naruto's in his rage, “i can leave tonight, just tell me where they’re from, what direction they went in. i’ll find them, i _promise_. and i’ll--!”

“we didn’t call you here for help with _revenge_ \--”

“they hurt gaara!” naruto screams in rage, “how can you-”

“ _i know that! you don’t think i know that?_ ” temari cries, “shut up and _listen_!”

naruto stands, shaky with blazing anger and shock, “if you won’t help me i’ll do it myself--”

“ _naruto, we need you to stay with gaara_.” kankuro finally says, tired of beating around the bush, “just... temari and i gotta be the ones who go looking for these guys. gaara's our brother, yanno? and i don't wanna send temari out there alone, if what they did to gaara was that bad i can't imagine what they'd do to a woman. but...we can't leave gaara alone, not right now. baki is here, but he...doesn't really know what to do, and gaara will barely speak to anyone. the fact that he made an effort to even speak to you means that bringing you here was...kind of a good idea. he'll talk to you.”

the blond pauses before he unclenches his fists and looks at him.

“look, we know gaara doesn’t need a babysitter, and that’s not what we’re asking of you, it’s just...he’s so hurt that he won’t talk to us. he’ll barely talk at all. we thought maybe he’ll be able to feel better knowing that he has a friend closeby. we...we get that it's a lot to ask, we know the situation is--”

“shut up, of course i’ll stay with him!” naruto agrees, and kankuro raises his eyebrows at how quick the blond changed his tune, “i won’t let him out of my sight.”

temari snorts, “that was a sudden change of heart.”

“gaara needs me. he comes first, yanno?” naruto says, hands shaking and almost spilling the water in his lap, “i’ll find the bastards after i’m sure he’s okay.”

temari folds her arms and leans against the wall.

"is that why no one is here? because gaara's hurt? why hire new cooks and stuff?” naruto asks.

“all gaara's attackers were male. i'm sure you can see why we thought it would be best to not have men roaming around the mansion right now. he... he'll barely even be alone with _me_ , much less--”

kankuro frowns, looking away.

“he...had a bad reaction to kankuro. baki too. just...men, you know? but only when he initially woke up.” temari explains, “he’s getting better, it's just…”

“he doesn't trust us.” kankuro says quietly, and naruto's heart breaks again, this time for the saddened puppeteer in front of him looking so dejected.

temari reaches for him, “kankuro--”

“it's okay, temari. it, uh, hurts, but i know he doesn't mean anything by it. he's just scared. i just wish i could--”

temari bites her lip, squeezing kankuro's shoulder, looking pained.

“do something.” kankuro finishes, sounding exhausted.

temari wraps her arm around him, giving him a quick hug, “you are doing something. you're helping him.”

kankuro nods and steadies himself, looking away. he still looks saddened, and temari gives his shoulder another squeeze before turning back to naruto.

“plus, with you here the council will back off. they haven't really been... respectful of the situation. they want him to hurry up and be kazekage again, but gaara...he's only human, it's like no one knows that.” temari says, looking tired,” he's a shinobi, but what he went through was...horrific. they forced him to sit in the council room and give a statement only a day after he woke from his coma--”

naruto clenches the glass so hard it cracks in his hold, “they did what?”

“temari and i were trying to track them through the desert. it's like the elders waited until we were gone for more than an hour and then cornered him in the hospital wing and dragged him off and made him relive it in detail. i nearly lost it when i found out, but by then the damage had been done and gaara wouldn't speak to anyone. it's like as soon as we take our  eyes off him someone hurts him. we…i guess we just need more eyes.”

“i'll stay with him. i promise. i won't leave his side.”

naruto frowns down at his water, willing his hand not to squeeze the bottle until it cracks, “is that why...why he won’t look at me? he hasn’t looked me in the eyes once since i got here, yanno? i--”

“he’s...embarrassed.” kankuro says, sounding sadder than naruto has ever heard, “he thinks it’s his fault, and he...gaara’s never even thought about physical stuff like that before, much less--and now, after they--”

temari cuts in, seeing her brother’s inability to keep going, “he’s struggling, really badly. you should know how bad it is before--”

“i don’t care how bad it is, i’m not leaving.” he growls, “i’m actually pissed that you didn't call me earlier, and that if i hadn't gotten here early i would just go two more weeks not knowing what happened to him.” naruto glares, trembling in rage, “new rule. anything happens to him i'm told immediately.”

kankuro throws up his hands, “hey, whoa. we weren't trying to keep anything from you, naruto. we were just...swamped, and something like this...it's hard to say. it took a while to work up the nerve, i guess. but then gaara got worse and we had no choice.”

“worse how. tell me everything.” naruto demands.

“he’s not very...receptive to help right now, we’ll admit. kankuro and i...we’ve tried but he won’t talk to us. i tried to hug him the other day and he panicked and burst into tears. i’ve never seen him like that. i’ve never seen gaara...scared, like that. the physical pain he's in doesn't help. his shield is also gone, we don't know what happened, but…it doesn't defend him anymore. at least, for now. his chakra levels are so low that his sand doesn't respond. and we're not even sure if it'll ever even stabilize, much less regain the strength he had. everything's been ripped from him, and i'm sure he just feels...very exposed and uncomfortable. he's...been having nightmares. he can't sleep or eat, he's...depressed and in pain.”

kankuro makes a bitter sound, “look, he’s terrified.” the he looks at naruto, who knows how stricken he looks because he can feel the rage climbing up his throat again, “hopefully you being here makes him feel a little safer. you just.. you should know how bad it's gotten before--. temari found him with a knife two weeks ago. one from the kitchen, we’re sure. we only left him alone for a second, but--he wouldn't say what he was doing with it, but he looked guilty, like he knew was doing something he shouldn't? we think…” kankuro takes a breath and temari cuts in, saving her brother from having to continue.

“we think...he was trying to take advantage of the fact that his shield is gone. trying to hurt himself when no one was around to stop him. i took the knife from him, and i moved anything else sharp from the mansion,, but...i...what with the mission to catch the people who did this and fulfilling kazekage duties, even between the two of us-even including baki-we can't really keep an eye on him.”

“again, he doesn't need a babysitter, we're worried but we respect that...we just, we just thought you might be able to cheer him up, or something.” kankuro adds awkwardly, all three of them knowing that he needed more than cheering up.

“we would just prefer it if he wasn't left alone.” kankuro finishes.

naruto blinks at them, sick dread almost coming to a boil in his stomach, “he-he had a knife?” why--?”

“gaara's...never been very good at dealing with emotional pain. it's not his fault he just…” temari sighs, “we've caught him trying to hurt himself before. and apparently yashamaru did too, when gaara was five.”

naruto falters, heart stuttering and twisting. nausea suddenly weighs heavy in his stomach, more than before. he didn't know that. he thought he knew everything about gaara, but...he never told naruto this. he told naruto everything, didn't he?

right?

how did he not know this?

his throat is dry, “w-what?”

temari frowns,, “he's... self-destructive, always has been. we just...we need someone he trusts with him. someone we trust, too.”

naruto shudders, eyes growing wet as he looks down into his lap, “was he...was he trying to…” naruto shivers and bites his lip before he forces the words out, “...k-kill himself?”

the words are sour and repulsive on his tongue, like bile. worry churns harder in his stomach. where was gaara right now? was...was someone watching him? making sure he didn't hurt himself? what if he--?

temari looks away, face drawn and deeply saddened, “it's... definitely possible.”

naruto wants to throw up. he trembles and looks at his lap in sick shock.

“he-he never told me that. about hurting himself? why wouldn't he tell me that, yanno? how did i not know?” naruto says, voice wavering.

“gaara tends to not talk a lot about himself. he's kinda good at hiding how he feels.” kankuro answers.

naruto bites his lip so hard it bleeds before he says, “i'll stay with him. of course i'll stay with him. anything he needs.”

“naruto?” kankuro tries, worried, “you okay? i'm sorry, i know this is a lot--”

“is someone with him right now?” naruto asks, ignoring the question, “he's not alone is he?”

temari shakes her head, “he's with his doctor and the nurses. it's okay, naruto. he's not alone.”

“he's...in the medical ward again? d-didn't he just see the doctor?” naruto asks, knowing he won't like the answer. he doesn't like any of this. he hates this. he hates everything about this situation.

kankuro hesitates, then decides to tell the truth, “he was injured pretty badly. he needs a lot of post-trauma care.”

naruto feels small. he feels like the world is far too big, suddenly. and then he feels ashamed. what right does he have to feel like that? he's fine. he wasn't the one hurt.

“how many?” he finds himself asking, though he can't recognize his voice.

“naruto…” temari starts, knowing exactly what he's asking.

“just tell me, temari.” naruto says, feeling empty, “how many people are we looking for?”

she hesitates, and then decides to just be blunt.

“dna evidence from gaara's...body and clothing suggests about eleven men.”

naruto feels like he's been punched in the stomach. one would have caused more than enough damage, but…

eleven.

“okay, that's enough for today.” temari says suddenly and firmly, seeing how green naruto has gone in revulsion and rage, “i think we've all had as much as we could handle. gaara will be back from the medical ward in about two hours, and we shouldn't look so sad.”

naruto releases his iron grip on the water bottle, dismayed to find that he'd punctured it at some point, and all the liquid had seeped over his hand and onto the blanket in his lap.

he looks at it in a daze.  the world feels far away.

“i have to go.” he mumbles, stumbling to his feet and throwing the sopping blanket aside.

“naruto, no. hey--” kankuro says, eyes softening the slightest bit, “you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“yeah, come grab some dinner with us.” temari offers, “we know you’re messed up, we can see it. let’s go unwind.”

the blond smiles at them, something shaky and not at all reassuring he’s sure, but he shakes his head. he appreciates it, he really does, and not for the first time he has that rush of affection for them both and how they treat him as another little brother.

“i...i need to think. just a little time alone, yanno?” he says, “i really appreciate it though, guys. i’ll be okay, i just...i need an hour or two. or something. and then i have to go see gaara.”

they seem hesitant to let him go, but he manages to slip away and back to the kazekage mansion roof (the west wings, specifically) and find a darkened corner to look over the village from.

he’s crying before he can even fully get comfortable.

gaara.

and naruto can’t even say he doesn’t view gaara differently after what he’s learned because he does, and he’s disgusted with himself but it’s true. the near crazed determination he had to keep gaara safe before is all but a full-blown hysterical obsession now, and naruto felt his insides wither and rot with the knowledge that he couldn’t protect gaara again.

maybe naruto always judged himself by how well he could keep the redhead safe.

could anyone blame him? after what temari and kankuro had told him, and the lab reports? those bastards tore gaara up inside, and the doctors don’t even know whether he’d ever fully recover. fuck, gaara had to be put in a fucking coma to allow his damaged body to recover. he’d almost bled out before they even got there--

naruto shoves his face in his hands and doesn’t care to even wipe the tears as they drip from his eyes and run rivers under his hands before dripping onto his lap, blotting his pants.

how could this happen? who would do that to another person? naruto was no stranger to violence, he was a shinobi, and a very powerful one at that, and he had no problem with fighting or defending himself and those he loved, but this sort of attack had never crossed his mind before. he’d never even heard of someone doing that to someone else. he knew what rape was, obviously. but he's never thought much about it simply because he was never faced with it. sex was always something he made pervy jokes with kiba about, and something he looked forward to one day when he found someone, but nothing more than that.

to think someone even had the idea to do that to another person, to force them into sex--

what did going through that _do_ to a person? what was it doing to _gaara_?

naruto bites his lip and tastes the metallic flavor of blood explode in his mouth as he crumbles a bit more on the roof of the kazekage mansion, trembling slightly.

he can’t imagine going through something like that, much less people knowing what happened.

oh god, that’s why gaara wanted him to go home so badly. just like kankuro said, gaara is ashamed of what happened to him, and now his siblings and best friend know. gaara never wanted him to find out, so he’d pushed naruto away so he would leave and he’d never find out about what happened in the desert. gaara most likely intended to hide it from him.

if naruto would have never come here he’s sure that gaara would have recovered physically and then acted like he was fine whenever he saw naruto next. and naruto would have never known.

gaara would be carrying this all by himself.

naruto can’t hold back the sob and he breaks down into his hands, trying to be as quiet as he can but failing miserably.

why was it always gaara? he’d asked himself that so many times when he ran to rescue him from the akatsuki (and even then he was too late, just like now, naruto is always too fucking late) and he finds himself mumbling it into his hands now, despairing.

why did this happen to gaara? wasn’t everything else he’d gone through enough?

gaara wasn’t even used to hugs and kisses yet, but he was getting there. naruto had been able to hug him the last time they’d seen each other, but now all the progress was ruined because someone saw gaara and chose to attack him. chose to pin him down and--

naruto’s traitor of a brain offers up the mental image of gaara with fear in his green eyes, and a split lip. did they split his lip when they--? or when they beat him--?

the blond shivered and groaned, revulsion running up his spine. god, he felt sick.

naruto wasn’t as stupid as people liked to think he was. he knew gaara was touch-starved from years of neglect and isolation and yet still wary of any and all affection, and naruto can’t imagine what it’s like to have so many issues with physical touch and then be raped so brutally. to have the little trust you worked so hard to build up in others dashed so thoroughly, unable to trust anyone, even those closest to you.

gaara is easily embarrassed, and naruto knows this. he can’t imagine how mortified gaara must feel.

he might be one of the only ones who knows how gaara truly is, and while everyone else in suna saw an all-powerful leader naruto knew he was just a kid like himself, trying to navigate growing up when he didn’t even get to be a child, and trying to deal with all the shit he’d been through while learning how to be an adult.

adulthood fit them both like loose, ill-fitted skins, and they both agreed (over a single bowl of ichiraku ramen because gaara could never finish a whole bowl himself and the redhead was the only person naruto would _ever_ agree to share his precious ramen with) that they weren’t very good at it. they’d giggled with each other about it over the soup as teuchi had good-naturedly poked fun at the picture they made. ‘a proper date, huh?’ he’d laughed. naruto hadn’t denied it, and gaara simply looked at his lap to hide the redness that had crept up in his face as naruto wrapped an arm around him and made obnoxious kissing noises.

that seemed like so long ago, now. it was only a year ago, but--

the memory of gaara’s softly smiling face makes naruto cry even harder, shoulders shaking. gaara had finally been settling into a place where he was content, happy even. and naruto was so fucking happy for him, so happy that he’d found a place and that he was loved even when naruto wasn’t there. temari and kankuro are the only ones naruto would trust to take care of gaara when he was away, and he can’t even imagine what’s going through their heads.

probably the same thing that naruto himself couldn’t help thinking. that he failed gaara again. that none of them, with all their shared power could protect him.

he thinks back to the sight gaara made, all curled in on himself on that bed, trying to shut naruto out and hide his shame from his friend. how hollow gaara looked when he said he couldn’t tell him.

‘you’d think of me differently.’

the bandages and the bruises and bite-marks and gaara was so ashamed of being hurt that he couldn’t even bring himself to look naruto in the eye anymore. like naruto would think he was weak or something.

is that what gaara thought? did he think naruto wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore? that he’d reject him? be disgusted? how could he think that? naruto would do anything for the guy. didn't he know that?

‘it’s so bad, naruto. you don’t want to know.’

clearly gaara didn't want naruto to find out.

his friend was embarrassed and what had happened to him wasn’t even his fault. naruto feels sick. his heart crumbles further for the redhead. if he feels this terrible he can’t imagine how gaara feels.

or even temari and kankuro, who got him back from the desert themselves, and had to deal with the fact that their little brother was in a coma for a week.

naruto grimaces, and what had he been doing at the time? while gaara was being attacked and fighting for his life? a few weeks ago--when gaara was in that desert--up until a few days ago, when he’d woken up from his medically induced coma, what had the hero of the leaf been doing?

naruto had been going to get barbeque with choji, ino and shikamaru. he’d been sparring with karui and omoi and gulping down ramen with sasuke and sakura. going to the hot springs with lee. neji had been teaching him and hinata how to cook.

naruto had been allowed to be carefree with his friends while gaara had endured far too much suffering again, and the blond was truly starting to hate himself for having it so easy while gaara’s life had been a series of terrible events one after another.

gaara deserved so much better, and that made naruto cry a little harder, curled in on himself on the quiet dark roof of the kazekage mansion. gaara was so _sweet_ , and even his awkward nature was adorable. so very obviously scarred, but somehow capable of being full of so much love, even for people that hurt him. and naruto always thought gaara was so cool, how he managed things so easily that even naruto took longer to do, and found more difficult. and yet still even for all his smarts, gaara still managed to be straight up adorably ditzy about some things.

naruto loves everything about how gaara is. he was totally weird, and naruto loved that, but he was also somewhat innocent and pure. he’s cute.

gaara united the soldiers during the war. gaara became kazekage. gaara fought to protect him, the whole time. even when naruto was being weird and distant when sasuke was gone.  

he didn’t deserve this. no one does, but especially not gaara. he was trying so hard, and doing so well, and naruto’s heart broke when he remembered the shame in gaara’s eyes.

and then those monstrous elders making him relive it not even two days out of his coma…

naruto had the urge to tear into them with his bare hands.

naruto sniffles, tears making trails down his face. gaara had a bite mark on his cheek. it was deep, and bloody. so deep it needed stitches. one of those bastards bit his face while they--

he can't imagine the fear gaara must have felt, the physical pain alone...

naruto stands, head pounding from everything he's found out and the emotional toll of it all. he has to see gaara. he has to find him and...naruto doesn't know what to do. he wants to hug gaara, he wants to wrap around him and hold him close to comfort his friend. he wants to vow to gaara's face that he'll catch the monsters who hurt him and he'll tear them apart. he wants to tell him that he'll protect him from now on, no matter what.

he...he wants--

granny chiyo told him to take care of gaara, and naruto already felt like he'd failed massively and irreparably. he was supposed to look out for him. he promised.

he has to find gaara. he has to hold him, protect him, something. naruto doesn't know what he's going to even say when he sees him, but he needs to be with him. he needs to wrap his arms around him and keep him safe.

eleven men. that's what temari said. and they got ahold of gaara for hours…

who knows what more they did to him that gaara couldn't say.

naruto sobs, heart ripping in half. for the first time in a long time he feels helpless. it doesn't matter that the wars are over. the world is still a waking nightmare, it seemed. terrible things still happen.

even to sweet people who don't deserve it. who've barely healed from dozens of other deep wounds.

gaara hadn't even really recovered from what happened to him as a child, and with this on top of it...

naruto knocks softly in the door, remembering what kankuro said about gaara being jumpy lately.

'of course he is’, naruto thought miserably, 'anyone would be.’

naruto can faintly hear movement on the other side, like gaara was wondering whether to open the door or not.

“gaara?” naruto sniffles outside the door, “can i come in?”

the door opens a bit, and naruto sees one green eye peek out warily. he can also make out a sliver of messy red hair before gaara sees him and opens the door a bit more, looking at him with concern deep in tired green eyes. it was mostly wary apprehension though.

naruto wanted to grab him and pull him close. he wanted to hug gaara so tight and force the all the love he had for the small redhead into his skin so maybe then gaara would know how much he didn't deserve this, and that naruto would protect him forever.

he knew it wasn't that easy, but he figured he could try.

“naruto, what’s wro-”

“can i hug you?” the blond blurts out, eyes on the other boy, “y-you can say no, i just--”

gaara hesitates for a moment, and naruto wants to cry right there, as he looked at his friend’s black eye and the bandage on his cheek and his temple. gaara hugs his broken wrist to his chest, like he's trying to protect himself from everything. the cast has a new signature, the blond notices.

to anyone else gaara's face would look carefully blank. but as usual when it came to gaara, naruto knew that wasn't true.

he can see the exhaustion and the sleeplessness on gaara's face. he wore it like he wore the bruises.

“o...okay.” gaara says, and naruto is surprised for a moment before he steps into the room and wraps gaara up in a hug, pressing the smaller boy’s face into his neck and his nose into gaara’s hair.

he smelled like antiseptic. he’d probably just gotten back from the hospital ward. naruto trembled slightly.

with gaara in his arms naruto could tell he was smaller than before, when the blond had hugged him last. bonier, more fragile. gaara doesn't hug him back, but naruto doesn't notice, just treasuring the fact that gaara's alive and here in front of him. that he can hold him.

naruto wordlessly closes the door and--without letting go of gaara--pulls them both onto the bed, arms wrapping around gaara and gathering him close.

the young kazekage doesn't respond, but he doesn't pull away, and naruto is just content to hold him for a long while and hold back his tears. gaara's hair is soft against his cheek, and naruto shakily inhales the scent of his friend.

“why didn’t you tell me?” naruto chokes after a few quiet moments, trying to keep his voice steady but failing, he’d always been a crybaby, really.

gaara goes tense in his arms. rigid.

“did--did you think i would think less of you or something? or that i wouldn’t love you anymore? you’re so silly! you should have told me!” naruto rambles, voice shaking, “i’m just sad you’re hurt, but i couldn’t ever love you any less, yanno? that’ll never happen! how could you think that? and--”

“temari and kankuro.” gaara says, and he says it so quietly that naruto almost strains to hear him, “they...told you.”

“i made them. i was so worried about you--gaara--”

gaara tears himself out of naruto's grip, eyes on his lap as he frantically moves to get away from the blond.

“i...i didn’t want you to find out. why did they--?” gaara manages, though his voice sounds tight, teary and panicked, though naruto can see how tightly gaara is trying to keep control, “i need you to go home.” gaara says, voice cracking in a way that it never has before, “please. please go home. please just...forget everything you found out and go home. please.”

naruto looked at him, heart clenching. even when he was going through so much he still tried to keep his face carefully blank and not show anything plainly.

naruto frowns, didn’t he know that he was allowed to be hurt and scared and not hide it, especially after something like this? he doesn’t have to be stoic and strong right now, no one expects him to be, but gaara doesn’t seems to know that. he keeps up the kazekage routine even though naruto can see right through him. he can see how gaara’s facade cracked and let the pain and fear the redhead was truly feeling seep out.

gaara was terrified, in pain and...and embarrassed, kankuro had said.

but gaara remained quiet, composed and to himself, never quite breaking down despite all that he’d been forced to suffer in the desert. naruto wonders briefly if gaara knows how...unhealthy that is. hanging out with sakura after she opened that children’s hospital in konoha really taught him a few things. that and the newly available psych services that tsunade insisted he use, to set his feelings straight after his childhood, the war, everything happened between him and sasuke and losing an arm on top of all that.

naruto knew that, for as similar as they were, he and gaara were still perfect opposites in some respects. naruto embraced the idea of picking through his feelings to heal from well, everything. not bottling anything up as a child is what kept him from going bad and taking revenge on the village that shunned him.

but gaara, even after his change, still kept so much inside. he still bottled it all up, and refused to let anything get through. he acted like he had no feelings at all, and that’s why the few times naruto has seen gaara cry they’ve been full-on meltdowns, like a soda can popping its top after too much pressure built up. naruto wasn’t dumb (at least when it came to gaara), he knew that gaara had taught himself very young that having feelings meant people can hurt you, be cruel to you and have it hurt all the more. so gaara shut down, even now.

“i can’t, gaara. i won’t. i’m here to help--”

“i can’t have you here. please.”

“i'm sorry, gaara, but i...i can't leave you.”

“please, just...” gaara’s voice wavers, and naruto sees how he’s trying to put on the facade of the calm and authoritative kazekage, “go home.”

he reaches for gaara and pauses when gaara weakly shoves his hands away, looking down at his lap and avoiding naruto’s eyes, “if you really care about me, go home.”

“hey...don’t try to pull that.” naruto frowns, “you know i can’t, not when you’re--you’re hurt, yanno? you’re not getting rid of me, gaara. you can yell, and you can be mad at me, but i’m not leaving you.”

gaara says nothing.

“i’d rather you be mad at me and have my help than alone and hurting while i’m miles away and can’t reach you.”

gaara pulls the blankets back over himself, moving to lay back down and curl into himself with his back to naruto.

naruto knows that gaara hopes that if he ignores him he’ll leave.

naruto also knows that gaara is crying silently into his pillow. the only reason he can tell is because he can see how gaara shakes.

even now he tried to hide his pain. tried to keep it quiet and bottle it up.

gaara was so pent-up inside he couldn’t even cry without it being something silent and hidden, like having feelings was something shameful. even when it’s completely understandable and no one would ever fault him for it, he still couldn’t let himself cry without trying to hide it from his family and everyone close to him.

gaara insists on hiding from everyone and crying alone while trying to keep up the appearance of suna’s calm and firm leader, even bruised all over and wrapped in bandages.

naruto knows that touching him probably wouldn't be the best thing right now, but his hands ache to comfort him, and naruto barely holds back the urge to just wrap himself around gaara and try to press all the love he could into his friend via contact. he understands why he wants naruto to leave, but he can’t. he could never just leave gaara alone like this, not when he was so shattered and afraid, even if he tried to hide it.

the blond grits his teeth, wishing for the millionth time that he’d been told sooner. He could have _been there_ when gaara woke up, he could have been there to ward off the nightmares and the elders before they hurt gaara further. he could have held his hand when he was sleeping. he knew that temari and kankuro had a lot to deal with, but he finds himself feeling selfishly jealous and angry with them. did they not think that he’d do all he could to help gaara, not matter what is was? gaara had naruto’s chakra running through him and keeping him alive after shukaku was extracted, for fuck’s sake. he know he’s being unfair, but so many emotions are bound up inside him that he can’t help it.

if only he didn’t live so fucking far away.

it’s a shit thing to feel in a situation like this, but he feels robbed. he could have been there for gaara when he woke up confused, in pain and scared. maybe he could have helped sooner.

then the elders wouldn’t have been able to re-traumatize gaara for the millionth time.

naruto is losing track of the number of all the tragedies that gaara has had to deal with since he was born.

“i’ll be right here, okay?” he says, sitting in the chair by gaara’s bed, “if you need anything, i’m here.”

gaara is silent. naruto doesn’t take it personally. he just sits down and leans back, enjoying how surprisingly comfortable the chair is.

he isn’t sure when he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and tell me what you think, because if this doesn't get any feedback i won't be motivated to finish it because what's the point if no one's reading it?


	2. Chapter 2

naruto wakes to find gaara gone, and he panics for a good few minutes, hastily pulling on his jacket and shoes, fully intent on razing the mansion to the ground until he found the other boy. then he remembers.

gaara had doctors appointments every morning now. that's what temari said.

everything from yesterday rushes back and he's nearly thrown off his feet by the force of his own emotions.

fuck.

_fuck._

_gaara_.

tears push against naruto's eyes, but he shakes himself out of his despair and wipes them away. he can't cry in front of gaara, it would only make him feel bad and worry for him. his friend was embarrassed and stressed enough, and he didn't need to be, but naruto figured that it didn't matter. he would be mortified no matter what, and no matter how much naruto knew gaara didn't _have_ to be ashamed, he _understood_ , in a sad way.

naruto paused and let his shoulders sag, remembering everything from yesterday. and then the anger is back, and so is the shock that settles in the pit of his stomach and proceeds to weigh a ton. 

he couldn't show his negative emotions on his face, it would just weigh on gaara, and the last thing he needs is to be worried about naruto's feelings. and naruto knew gaara well. if he saw how upset naruto was he'd spend his (very limited) energy on making sure naruto was okay. he loved that about gaara, how caring he is in his own quiet way. but he couldn't let him do that this time. this was too serious. 

gaara's too hurt.

but still, the thought that gaara thinks what happened to him was his fault makes naruto want to lie down and cry. makes him want to bury his fist into the nearest wall. his brain keeps replaying how gaara hid from him yesterday, and how he couldn't even look naruto in the eyes because he was so afraid of what naruto would think, so ashamed of what's been forced on him--

_'it's so bad, naruto. you don't want to know.'_

naruto can't help it. he sobs dryly and rubs at his eyes roughly, trying to stop the tears before they start. 

breathe. _breathe, dammit._

he can't cry. instead of emoting all over the place he needs to dedicate his energy into helping gaara heal. he needs to be there to comfort him, and make sure he knows that nothing is his fault. that he doesn't have to afraid, or embarrassed.

that naruto will protect him from now on, and that he won't fail again. he won't let anything happen to gaara ever again. naruto wouldn't leave his side, no matter what. he refused. the thoughts swirl about in his mind, slightly frenzied and desperate, until a knock at the door startles him out of his miserable thoughts. 

naruto zips his jacket and pulls the door open, fully expecting to see maybe temari, or kankuro. baki, even. he hopes they're willing to walk and talk, because the urge to find gaara is what's getting him moving, and naruto doesn't intend to stay in the bedroom one second longer.

it's neither. it's another woman naruto's never seen before. she's quiet and calm, just like the rest. she's somewhat like a shadow, not holding much presence at all. she moves pretty much noiselessly. naruto can't think of someone who looks less like a threat than the woman in front of him. 

but he supposes that's the point, isn't it? 

“lady temari asked me to inform you that lord gaara is currently in the medical office, in the second wing.” she says, voice pleasant and barely above a whisper, "he will be finished with his appointment shortly."

he nods, halfway out the door by the time she finishes speaking, uncaring of whether he comes off as rude or not. besides, she doesn't look like she minds as he brushes past her and zips down the hallway.

he barely remembers to shoot her a quick, "thanks!" before he takes off. he doesn't want gaara to have to wait for him.

in all honesty, naruto isn't sure what he expects. maybe gaara won't want to talk at all, like yesterday. would he be upset that naruto was still here? would he be surprised? did he expect naruto to leave?

naruto isn't leaving - that was _completely_ out of the question. but he doesn't want to make anything harder for gaara than it already is. naruto never let a lack of direction stop him before (he grew up an orphan, for christ's sake) but this was...a delicate situation. something he didn't know how to deal with completely, if he was honest. he's never even been faced with something like this before. 

naruto frowns down at his boots as he walks. no matter what, naruto wouldn't leave him - he absolutely refused - and yet again he wishes that this was some strange and horrible nightmare. that he'll wake up and gaara would be okay like how he was a year ago, before monsters got a hold of him. he'd give naruto that endearingly blank and spacey stare of his before saying something entirely too wise for someone their age and everything would be back to normal. he'd take gaara's hand and they'd stroll around the desert and talk for hours just how they always did.

the blond rubs a hand down his face. he can feel the crushing worry weighing him down, making his shoulders slump and his eyes lower to the ground in thought. 

honestly, all the wanted to do for the rest of the day was curl up with gaara and just lend his friend his presence. he just wanted to hold him, at least for a bit, to convince his own panicked, traumatized brain that gaara was alive and hadn't been ripped from him like his parents had...like so many people he loved...

naruto throws those thoughts to the back of his mind. that's a... dangerously dark road to go down, in terms of examining his own heart. he takes a steadying breath.

he can't afford to depress himself further right now. naruto had to be there for the person that needed him. 

gaara needed rest anyway, he's sure. on top of everything, he'd looked so _tired_ , and naruto makes a mental note to run to the guest room and get his bag with the tea that sakura sent him with. 

his mood brightened slightly when he remembered his pack, still thrown into the floor of the guest room that he'd abandoned earlier yesterday afternoon. 

he smiles softly to himself. right! he'd forgotten the things he'd brought for gaara! seeds for flowers, stuffed animals and a few other gifts naruto collected over the past year. little things that reminded him of his friend. 

maybe…(hopefully?) they'd make gaara feel a tiny bit better. and at the same time it felt so, so incredibly _stupid_ to wish for such a thing. a few stuffed animals and some rosebush seeds wouldn't solve this. 

but still...

he makes a clone and sends him off to go get his pack and put it in gaara's room.

* * *

* * *

* * *

the medical wing is a bit more...sterile and white than the rest of the mansion, that was usually colored in deep reds, and tans. but naruto supposed hospitals were just like that no matter where he went. cold. _clinical._

 _gaara has to spend so much time here._  

tears press against naruto's eyes again. he shakes them off after a moment - gathering himself - before wandering up to the same medical room he found gaara in yesterday. 

deep breaths. _deep breaths._

god, he feels sick.

naruto peaks into the window of the room - eyes quickly scanning the office - and sees gaara with an iv in his arm and his cheek newly bandaged. he sits in a chair and looks at his lap, slowly nodding along with a doctor and shaking his head at some points.

he had a small device attached to his left index finger. naruto noticed it yesterday, but so much was going on he couldn't ask about it. his friends shoulders are slumped and exhausted, and gaara looks so small...so _worn out_. naruto's heart crumbles just a little more.

the woman smiles at him and says something naruto can't catch, but gaara doesn't look up, he just shakes his head.

naruto frowns, observing his friend's body language.

so it's not just him gaara has trouble looking in the eye. it's _everyone_. 

sadness yanks brutally at naruto's heart. couldn't he see that no one was disgusted with him? that he had no reason to be embarrassed? that no one blamed him at all?

naruto takes a deep breath, knocks and then quickly enters (and maybe he was a bit impatient and wanted to be near gaara, which was why he didn't wait for the doctor to tell him to come in, but he honestly he doesn't care in the least), though he makes sure to be quieter than he was the day before, when he full on yelled at the woman treating him.

he's going to have to apologize for that. he feels badly about it now, but at the time she was just in the way of naruto getting to his friend. could anyone really blame him? what with the sight gaara made yesterday?

god, the bruises...the _bites_ - 

“hey, good morning! i came to pick up gaara.” naruto waves, closing the door behind him and pushing the dark thoughts to the back of his mind for the moment. he can't for long, but he tries. the bruises are still so _stark_ against gaara's skin, and naruto tries to keep it together as best he can for him, but the sight is just as jarring as it was yesterday. being able to sleep on it hasn't done anything to numb the horror of what naruto learned yesterday, or what he has to face today. which is the sight of gaara beaten to hell and so _quiet_.

gaara tenses and he looks at his lap, eyes in the metal device attached to his finger. naruto takes a small step towards the redhead, but gaara doesn't look at him. a shaking, pale hand scratches harshly at the bandage on his temple (which startles naruto into reaching for gaara's hand to stop him) but says nothing. 

gaara's arm drops to his side, and naruto mourns the loss of gaara's hand in his own. it was nice, no matter how briefly he got to enjoy it.

“oh, how nice.” she smiles kindly, looking between them and adjusting her glasses, “well, you're actually all done, lord gaara. go get some breakfast and have fun with your friend, doctor's orders - and I'll see you later on today. i'll leave him to you, uzumaki.” 

naruto beams at her, “yes ma'am! ready gaara?”

gaara's face goes faintly pink but he nods, moving to stand. he's very unsteady, and clearly in pain, but naruto moves close to him and angles himself behind him. if gaara stumbles naruto can catch him. 

worry gnawed at naruto as he looked his friend over again. gaara looked like a harsh breeze could hurt him rather badly. naruto couldn't _help_ hovering, though he figured gaara would be uncomfortable with being touched right now. naruto could always read his face pretty well, but should the redhead stumble, naruto would still be there to catch him. he meant it when he said he'd protect him. 

naruto wants to take his hand, but he's unsure how that'll go over right now, and the last thing he wants is to make gaara uncomfortable. or scare him. naruto was no doctor, but even he could tell that putting his hands all over gaara would probably bring up some bad memories right now. he wasn't a _complete_ idiot, after all.

naruto has always been a touchy person, growing up alone and ostracized made him needy for the physical affection and presence of others even now, but he tampered down his usual urge to drape himself over gaara. the last thing gaara needed was to be _scared of naruto too_. the blond doesn't know what he'd do.

but he still longed for contact with gaara in some way. some way to feel that connection...

he settles for slowly taking off his track jacket and gently draping it over gaara's shoulders, letting the material shield and warm his friend. gaara stiffens for a moment - surprised at the unexpected gesture- but he doesn't seem upset. not about the jacket, anyway. in fact, naruto can barely see his face at all. gaara hides behind his usually messy bangs and looks at the floor, avoiding naruto's eyes. 

naruto almost panics and takes it back, unsure whether he's done something wrong. 

but then a bandaged hand shakily pulls the garment tighter around himself, and naruto smiles. he made a good choice.

naruto keeps close as they step out into the hallway, and gaara keeps his broken wrist hugged to his chest like it's instinct. naruto wants to say something. _anything._

anything to make this _better._ anything to make gaara look up from the ground.fuck, he'd do anything to just _make all this go away._

"i'm real happy to see you gaara, yanno?" naruto says, quietly, cautiously. he sounds so unlike himself, even to him.

but he doesn't know _what_ to say, truthfully. gaara was hurt in a way naruto has never even dealt with before, and he felt as if he was grasping at straws for anything to say. 

"i really missed you." the blond finishes, fingers twitching at his sides. his voice trembles for a moment with the effort not to cry in front of his friend. usually this is when he would take gaara's hand, or his arm and lead him away to do something fun -

and it was _true._ naruto spent all of the past year wanting to share everything that happened with gaara, and he remembers lying in his apartment, looking up at the ceiling and wondering what gaara was doing in that moment. he spent a lot of nights like that. he doesn't want to think about the fact that one of those nights he could have been in konoha looking at his ceiling and wondering what gaara was up to while gaara was simply trying to survive being so brutally assaulted. while he was lost and lying in the desert sand, bleeding out as his siblings frantically searched for him.

while naruto was gazing at the stars, gaara was fighting for every breath.

the blond tries to not let the devastation of his own thoughts show on his face.

gaara shrinks further into the jacket - and his own bruised skin - and says nothing for a long moment. naruto watches him carefully, sadly, worried. 

naruto felt tears pushing against his eyes again. gaara was so _quiet_ , even for him. there were no small smiles just for naruto. a part of naruto felt selfish. he wanted to see that smile again. the one gaara always had just for him.

then he feels like a dick. this isn't about him or what he wants, but his heart breaks at gaara's silence, and the bite-mark that stands out against his neck, still red with dried blood. gaara had tried to shrug the material of his shirt to hide it, but he couldn't quite manage it. gaara's shoulders sag in defeat and he gives up, accepting that the mark was in plain view of naruto's eyes. he suddenly seemed far too tired to care in the moment.

"...i missed you too." gaara says quietly. his voice is hoarse and small, shaky.

naruto could cry. he doesn't. he _can't._

"w-well, we're together now, so it's okay." naruto smiles weakly at him, "i...gaara - "

he's cut of when gaara abruptly stops walking, and it's only until naruto tears his eyes from gaara's shaking form that he realizes that they've made it to gaara's room. naruto was too absorbed in talking to him that he hardly noticed. gaara moves to open the door, his bandaged hand clutching naruto's jacket around his shoulders.

gaara's cast can barely even bump the doorknob before naruto opens the door himself, unwilling to let his friend do anything he didn't have to. he hovers around his friend and guides him inside, a protective figure staying close to the young kazekage.

naruto eyes his pack that his clone clearly (and carelessly) threw against the wall. the clones got careless when naruto summoned them while something was on his mind.

either way, nothing in the pack was breakable, so it hardly mattered.

naruto gives his friend a small smile, "i-uh, here…"

he darts over to the pack and yanks it open, pulling the contents onto the floor. 

when he turns back gaara has taken to hiding under the blankets once again, but naruto's jacket is nowhere to be found. the blond smiles. that meant gaara was still wearing it. and he was feeling well enough to sit up on his own, though he kept the blankets wrapped around him. he still looks like he's hiding, at least partially, but he doesn't turn his back and he doesn't ask naruto to leave again, and the blond is grateful for that, even if gaara still can't find the strength to look him in the eye.

"found a buncha stuff that reminded me of ya, so i brought 'em for ya!" he grins, trying to lighten the mood.

gaara blinks at his lap, "...you didn't have to…"

naruto gives him a soft, fond smile, "you always say that!"

"because...it's true."

"heh, I know but i saw it and thought of ya! besides, I bought seeds we can plant later, together!" he grins, trying to cheer gaara up, just a little. he's so happy his friend is talking that he could cry.

it's stupid to think little things like gifts would help (especially since gaara isn't the type to prize material possessions anyway) but he can at least try to keep himself upbeat, right? being depressed wouldn't help gaara any. it would just make him worry, and then make him feel worse. naruto gently hands him the small packets.

"...okay." gaara says, carefully holding the packs of seeds in his injured hand.

just that one little word gives naruto a bit of hope, though. if he can just keep gaara out of his own head, he could help. he just needed to keep the redhead distracted, keep him thinking about anything _other_ than what's happened to him. if he kept gaara from dwelling on it, that should help, right?

"heh, yeah! and this guy!" naruto grins before pulling a sizeable fox plush out of the pack and plopping it in gaara's lap, right in his hands. 

he'd found it at the festival market in Konoha last spring, and for some reason had an urge to buy it for gaara in particular. maybe it would remind him of naruto when he wasn't there. that's what he'd been thinking when he bought it, anyway.

gaara is quiet and unresponsive for a moment, and naruto begins to silently panic, worried he's done something wrong. hurt his friend somehow.

gaara eventually turns the plush toy over in his hands, brushing the blankets aside for a brief moment.

naruto brightens as he watches gaara pull the fox plush into a hesitant embrace. the action is slow, so _cautious_ , like gaara was expecting the stuffed animal to reject him.

"he's soft." gaara says quietly, hesitantly hugging it close, "thank you."

naruto beams, "no problem, i'm glad you like him."

they sit in silence for a moment, and naruto watches gaara bury his bruised face in the plush's fur, chest tightening at the sight.

naruto sits beside him on the bed after a moment, sure to move slowly and watch for any indication that the lack of space would bother gaara. but the redhead doesn't react, just holding the toy close and pulling the blankets back around him. 

that meant gaara was okay with him being beside him, which made naruto almost sag with relief. he didn't know what he'd do if gaara couldn't handle him being close. especially now, when naruto felt the need to be close to him more than ever. there's nothing he wanted to do more than stay within arms reach of gaara.

“what's that?” naruto asks, gesturing to the metal object on gaara's finger.

“...a monitor.” gaara says quietly, bandaged hand clutching the fox close, “it tracks my heart rate.”

naruto gently and slowly takes his hand, looking closer at the device, “heh, looks kinda like a silver beetle attached to your finger.” 

he turns gaara's hand over and  traces his fingers over his, playing with his friend's hand idly. 

gaara doesn't say anything, he just watches him. 

“does it hurt?” naruto asks.

gaara shakes his head.

“whew. good.” the blond smiles. gaara closes his eyes and leans his head back on the stuffed animal, looking exhausted.

they’re quiet for another long moment. then bruised eyelids open once more, and he glances at naruto very quickly, like he wants to look at his friend, but no longer knows how to.

“you cut your hair.” gaara rasps, quietly.

naruto beams, happy he’s talking again, “heh, you noticed! yeah, i think it makes me look more grown up.”

“it's nice.”

“you think so? then i'll keep it.” naruto grins.

gaara looks like he wants to say something, but he lowers his eyes and shrinks in on himself again, looking away. 

naruto wants to squeeze his hand to offer some comfort, but that would most likely hurt him more than anything. gaara was so injured that naruto couldn't do anything like that, and now...now gaara was looking _away_ from him again, like he was ashamed to even be in naruto's presence. green eyes close again, and the young kazekage almost looks like he's going to pull away. 

naruto doesn't intend to let that happen. gaara needed to know that even if he felt like everyone else was a threat, naruto wasn't. the blond needed to keep gaara close, and he needed gaara to trust him. he needed to be able to help him. 

_'you're more important to me than you'll ever understand…'_

"you don't have to hide from me, yanno." naruto says softly, tracing fingers over gaara's hand, blue eyes pleading even as gaara couldn't look at him, "i don't want you to worry or be embarrassed, gaara. there's nothing that's gonna make me love you any less."

gaara tenses. naruto continues.

"i know ya don't believe me, and i-i guess i can understand why...but, you know i don't lie, gaara. _nothing_ could make me love ya any less, yanno?"

gaara looks away.

"hey," naruto starts, gently cupping gaara's bruised cheek so he looks at him, "have i ever lied to you?"

green eyes avoid blue, looking down at his hands. but he shakes his head.

 "no, I... you've never lied to me."

naruto holds his hand, thumb stroking his bandaged fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be a lot longer, but then it would have been another 18k words and this would have never gotten updated because of the sheer volume of this story.  
> This is gonna be a long one, guys. Recovery takes a lotta time. Anyway, sorry for the wait. Now that I'm breaking them up into slightly shorter chapters I should be updating more often, so this long a wait won't happen again.
> 
> Also happy birthday Naruto, I traumatized your sandy boyfriend, I'm sorry pal. Anyway, tell me what you think! The next chapter won't be so peaceful, unfortunately.
> 
> P.p.s: Quit bitching about the lowercase or I'll just delete your comments, and thanks to all the rational people who aren't giving me shit about it, y'all are great <3\. If you don't like it, don't read. Simple. I do it all the time.


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